Apartheid

I learned a couple things today.

I went to a birthday BBQ that was being thrown by a friend to celebrate a birthday. I am such a Diva that I made him disinvite several people, before I would commit to attending. It was a solid party, well attended, and a good time was had by all. This friend was turning 22. Several of the guests at the party thought it would be a good idea to bring their children with them and let them run around in the yard. I'm sorry, but I do not feel old enough to attend social gatherings, with peers, that include children belonging to those peers. I know that things like this ONLY happen in Utah County, but I don't know why. How did we let ourselves get like so out of hand? Rugrats at a BBQ? Where I come from, cookouts include rowdy neighbors, large quantities of Alcohol, cursing, and talk of local sports teams and past sporting accomplishments. The craziest thing that went down in this yard was a little blonde Zoobie breaking out the Carlton Dance after winning a round of Nerts. Oh, I forgot to mention that as the crowd was finished grazing on burgers and Sprite (obey your Bishop, not your thirst) someone whipped out about 15 packs of cards and the Nertting began. I don't know why they don't call that game 'LaVell's Bells' or 'Bringin' it like Brigham' because I don't know of anyone outside of a 25 mile radius from the Marriott Center that owns 20 decks of marked cards.

That brings me to my next point. When guys who have served missions have a party, it will always be segregated into "Real Friends" and "Mission Buddies" and these two groups will never interact. I've seen it at homecomings, weddings, baby blessings, birthday parties, concerts, bonfires, and MLM meetings. As a third party, you can always tell which group is which too. Mission buddies just say hi to each other differently than real friends. They always light up, walk over, shake hands, and then stand there with arms folded and ask "What have you been up too since..." or "Man, remember that time we did that thing to Johnson?" or "Wait, you served with Anderson right?" One of the guys in this group will ALWAYS be wearing a white shirt, and another will always be wearing something that has BYU on it. Nothing brings people from completely different worlds together like a mission, and likewise nothing creates awkward semi-permanent friendships. But that is not true of my mission buddies. Those guys are the bee's knee's.

Remember how I mentioned disinviting people to parties so that other people would come? I'm sure I'm gonna take some heat on this, but I don't care, cause I am right, but I feel like if somebody crosses one of your friends severely enough, you are obligated, as a friend, to hold a grudge against that person, and not invite them to your birthday party. Its the same thing when your friend gets dumped. You are obligated to perform the following, usually in order:

1- You join in with your friend in talking about how much you didn't like the girl to begin with, what a ho she is, and how she'll never find anyone better and probably end up alone and miserable.

2- You try to stop all the 'Hollabacks' that are prone to occur in such situations because they always end up hurting the dumpee more than the dumper.

3- You try to end the Post-Break up self-loathing-sit-around-and-play-halo-all-day-while-feeling-sorry-about-myself stage by bringing your buddy Mario Kart wii and try to convince him to go with you to the Gym/Pool/Lake/Baseball Game or anything else to get him out of the house. If he cleans up and agrees, you get him in the car, and change the plan to take him to a place that will have lots of babes. Preferably, easy babes... and then....

4- You do everything you can to get as many babes to hit on or hook up with him as often and as soon as possible so that he forgets all about that stupid whats-her-name that broke his creepy little heart.

"I got a girl in the war Paul, the only thing I know to do, is turn up the music and pray that she makes it through." -Josh Ritter