Breakfast with Cheerios

SportsCenter

2009-12-15T00:38:00.000-08:00

So. I think I might be watching too much sportscenter. This is the transcript of an actual conversation I had today on my facebook wall. Yikes. I'm a nerd.

Ryan Holdaway: here's the deal with the BCS. Yes, everyone hates it and thinks that TCU is awesome. But really, who wants a worthless regular season like College Basketball?

Erik Fountain:
Two Points:
1) I would gladly trade a good regular season and a mediocre post season for a mediocre regular season and a great post season.
2) College Basketball teams aren't afraid to schedule tough games in the regular season because they know that they will have their shot at the end of the season regardless if they lose some games in the regular season.
Unlike College Basketball however, College Football teams are afraid to schedule tough non-conference games because of post-season repercussions. Look no further than the Florida and Texas non-conference schedule to see this paradigm.

I understand your personal bias however. Unfortunately, your orange-tinted lenses have tainted your rationality. It's okay, remain up on Rocky Top with your head in the clouds.

Ryan Holdaway:
An 8 team play off isn't a play off. Adding a playoff would do MORE to add to the cupcake non-conference schedule because "powerhouse" teams would know they would only need to win 8 or nine games to make it to the playoff and fans would just end up watching Ohio State, USC and Oklahoma get blown out by SEC teams year after year, round after round. Teams like TCU wouldn't have any more of a shot at the national championship than they do this year because Overrated Universities wouldn't have as many games to prove that they DON'T deserve to be there. Perfect example. Your 6th place PAC-10 team, USC is still ranked #24 despite getting punked by every mediocre conference opponent they played. Losing to U-Dub should end your season. Losing to U-Dub at home should cost you bowl eligibility and some scholarships.

keep drinking the 'mountain west deserves a shot' kool-aid tino. That shot won't come from a FBS playoff.

Erik Fountain:
An 8 or a 12 team playoff is better than the two team playoff we have now. As for those who think that the current regular season is in essence a "playoff," no amount of PLAYING can get undefeated teams like Cincy, BSU, or TCU into the 'ship. You can cut the season down to 10 games, which is plenty to figure out who the best 8 or 12 teams are and go from there.A loss or two wouldn't keep the top dogs out of the hunt, and no undefeated team would be left out. I'm not trying to cater to MTN WEST agenda, I'm just sick of the championship being a shizzy matchup when there are clearly other teams deserving. I think the FBS' purpose is to 1. Make Money 2. Provide the best entertainment 3. Make sure best team has a shot to win the Championship fair and square. I think they are shooting about 33%...

Oh, and what's the MWC record against the SEC over the last few years? Just a thought.

Ryan Holdaway
I'm really surprised that the guy who just mentioned cupcake schedules would play the Boise State card. You beat 1 ranked team and you think that you've won something? Please. Cutting the schedule to 10 game sounds like a good idea. Here's why it isn't:
1) With 8 Conference games, that only leaves room for 2 non-co games. One home. One away. Do you think Oklahoma is EVER going to give a school like TCU a shot when they know that they will only have 1 cupcake game to run up the score? No way.
2) Look at this year. Only 1 team that was in the top 10 ten games into the season is in the same spot today. 4 of the top ten teams have picked up a loss since then and 2 are not even heading to BCS bowl games.

I just don't want a system with 2 loss national champions.

Erik Fountain
I would much prefer a 2 Loss National Champion who have beat 3-4 top notch teams in a row, than an undefeated Champion who won one big game against a team who may or may not deserve to be in the championship.

Ryan Holdaway
I think where we disagree is the number of elite teams per season in FBS. I don't believe there are 12 elite teams. I don't believe there are 8 elite teams. This year, there are 4. Texas. Bama. Texas Christian. And Cincy. Boise State is as overrated this year as Oklahoma was last year and Ohio State is every year and they are going to get drawn and quartered by TCU in the Fiesta Bowl.
After Alabama beats Texas they will have beat: Then #7 V-Tech. Then #20 Ol Miss. Then #22 South Carlolina. Then #9 LSU. Then #1 Florida and Then #2 Texas. That is 6 ranked teams and 4 in the top 10. That is what a National Championship season looks like. That's not a big game at the end.

Erik Fountain
I definitely agree that Alabama is a legitimate team more than worthy of the Championship bid, Texas too for that matter... have no problem with either. Like you said, I probably view there being more legitimate teams than you do, but I would far rather have a system that that errors in including a few teams that probably are under qualified than a system which clearly excludes teams each year that are well qualified. It's not about giving the little guy a shot, it's about giving all the best teams a fair shot, something the BCS cannot do year in and year out.

"I'm thinking its a sign that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they are perfectly aligned." -Ben Gibbard

Massachusets Ave

2009-10-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

I still don't know all of the details, but I will do my best to recall. I first met her on Memorial Day. That night has been burned into my memory. Boston is a beautiful city at night, especially in the early summer. Looking at the skyline from the street, the blue lights at the very top of the Prudential Center form a ring. A ring that I see as the halo above her head. Just like I see her hand signing the 50-Foot “John Hancock” behind Fenway Park, or her lips kissing the CITGO above Memorial Drive, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Those are scenes from a photo shoot, and that was our first date, you still don't even know how we met. Like I said, it was Memorial Day, and I had recently moved to Bean town with a group of salesman for a summer program. She wasn't a native either. She was a student and a pastry chef. We grew up within 15 minutes of each other, but it was only after traveling 3,000 miles across the country that we could be at the same place at the same time. Fate? I don't believe in accidents. I also don't believe in Santa Clause, Aliens, or Love at First Sight. And that is what makes this story so unique. She had me from “Hello.” Actually, it was even before that. She had me the second I looked into her eyes. Homer chronicled the adventures of Odysseus and the siege of Troy, and he told tales of many fantastic creatures, including the Sirens. Beautiful women on jagged rocks that would sing melodies that melted and possessed any man that listened. I'm not saying she was Siren, and she certainly did not lead me to my own destruction. But I am saying that the very instant I connected with her eyes, time stopped and my life was divided asunder. It was divided into the days before I knew her, and the time since we met. I knew I would never be the same. The situation is a familiar one. Some of my friends had met some of her friends and we all decided to meet down by the river. There is a small bike path that runs along the Charles River in the middle of the city. At one point the path is framed on the North by a small park and the South by a small dock. Hippies from Berklee could usually be found smoking pot in the park or having a drum circle on the dock, but on this night, our group had the whole place to ourselves. I was among the last to arrive, and by the time I made my way to the party, it was already underway. I said my hello's to those that I knew, and had already spotted a blonde to make friends with, but I caught a glimpse of Her out of the corner of my eye. She was sitting on a wall, next to a boy with a guitar. A burly boy with a guitar. A burly boy, that I later found out routinely competed in Strong Man competitions, with a guitar. I mean, he didn't use the guitar in his Strong Man competitions, he used it to woo beautiful women, and I'm sure it worked. He was good, but I don't think he read the manual that came with the guitar, because he didn't know Rule Number 1: The guy with the guitar never gets the girl. He simply sets the mood so someone else can get the girl. I'm really glad he did, because I am sure I needed his help. When I swooped in and sat between him and Her on the wall, he should have known it was over, but he didn't. He continued to sit there and take requests and sing us love songs in the dark.

When I first introduced myself to her, she claimed to have known me from somewhere. I was certain she was mistaken. I would have remembered those eyes. I have always had a thing for redheads, and tend to seek them out. It was dark enough that I almost didn't notice hers. Almost. As I sat on that wall and talked to her, I could not take my eyes off of her. I felt an instant connection to her and I think she felt it too, because after a while on that wall, I took her by the hand and we walked by ourselves off into the night. The longer I spent with her, the more I felt she was familiar as well. Faintly. Vaguely. Almost hauntingly familiar. I remember a demonstration from a business meeting that used tuning forks. Ten tuning forks were placed on a table, nine tuned to the pitch of F and one tuned to G. An eleventh fork, also tuned G, was pulled from a pocket, struck, and waived in the air above the forks on the table. When it got near its partner, they both began to resonate, and the closer the contact the stronger the vibrations. When two things are made for each other, and they are brought in close contact, they feel it. Individually, and collectively. As I got closer to this woman, I knew I had found something special. More than that, I knew we were made for each other, and that we had found each other, and that true love was sitting with me in a bus-stop, on Massachusetts Avenue, holding my hand, and telling me stories. I eventually took her home, walked her to the door, and kissed her on the forehead... and held my breath until the next time I saw her.

"If you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time." -Jimmy Eat World

Vacation

2009-07-26T23:18:00.000-07:00

So it has been two months since my last post. I have no excuses or apologies, instead I choose to move forward, and hope I still have some readers.

Where to begin. The last few months have been unique. All of my besties left for summer sales, save Rockband Mike, and Betty. Mike moved out/in with me to a L uxorious 3 bedroom town home just south of Campus, but Betty has been so buried in her work and travels that I have only seen her a couple of times. A few other formerly prominent figures were involved in serious feuds that dragged on much longer than necessary. Not all have even been resolved. However, I have learned a few things lately. Its so vital to be aware of your surroundings. I spent some time at the Lake. I had been sitting in the boat with no shirt for a while, and I noticed a slight tingling feeling on the exposed skin. Recognizing this stinging sensation as a warning sign that I would soon be sunburned, I put a shirt on, and covered the rest of my body with sunscreen. I didn't end up with a sunburn, instead, I actually got a pretty solid tan. I contrast this story to one I heard about this time last summer that involved a much more sun sensitive person being much less smart about sun exposure. It ended up with sun-poisoning, and blisters, and scars. What is the principle? There are a lot of things that get made worse by trying to ignore them until they go away. If you've got beef, grow up and squash it.

Regular Followers of this blog should recall many rants and raves and posts about how much I hate myself for falling short. I had such a great moment the other day that I would like to share. My 3rd Mission President just got home. He is very special to me. I can't begin to quantify the impact of this man's love and example have had on my life. He and his wife recently gave homecoming addresses that I was able to attend. The deep love and respect I have for the Pugh's leads me to hang on every word that they say. Sister Pugh gave an amazing talk about her mission, and her own feelings of inadequacy, and she taught a principle about the Atonement that resonated very deeply with me. She told the story of Elijah the Prophet and the Widow of Zarephath. Elijah meets this woman as she is gathering sticks to cook a last meal for herself and her son. This was in the middle of a famine that lasted 3 years. Elijah asks her to take her last handful of flour, and drops of oil to make bread for him to eat, and promises her that after she feeds him, she will never run out of food. She brings everything she has left to Elijah the Prophet. He eats and is filled. For MANY days he lived with her and her son; the barrel of meal that once contained only a handful was never found empty, nor was the cruse that once contained only a few drops of oil. The Woman gave all that she had, and the Lord was able to magnify it, and make it enough to meet her needs. Likewise, The Apostles once brought a few loaves and fishes to the Master and it was enough to feed thousands. I find a lot of comfort in those words. "All that I have, is enough"

"I got a Girl in the War, Paul, the only thing I know to do. Is turn up the music, and pray that she makes it through." - Josh Ritter

Apartheid

2009-05-24T00:39:00.000-07:00

I learned a couple things today.

I went to a birthday BBQ that was being thrown by a friend to celebrate a birthday. I am such a Diva that I made him disinvite several people, before I would commit to attending. It was a solid party, well attended, and a good time was had by all. This friend was turning 22. Several of the guests at the party thought it would be a good idea to bring their children with them and let them run around in the yard. I'm sorry, but I do not feel old enough to attend social gatherings, with peers, that include children belonging to those peers. I know that things like this ONLY happen in Utah County, but I don't know why. How did we let ourselves get like so out of hand? Rugrats at a BBQ? Where I come from, cookouts include rowdy neighbors, large quantities of Alcohol, cursing, and talk of local sports teams and past sporting accomplishments. The craziest thing that went down in this yard was a little blonde Zoobie breaking out the Carlton Dance after winning a round of Nerts. Oh, I forgot to mention that as the crowd was finished grazing on burgers and Sprite (obey your Bishop, not your thirst) someone whipped out about 15 packs of cards and the Nertting began. I don't know why they don't call that game 'LaVell's Bells' or 'Bringin' it like Brigham' because I don't know of anyone outside of a 25 mile radius from the Marriott Center that owns 20 decks of marked cards.

That brings me to my next point. When guys who have served missions have a party, it will always be segregated into "Real Friends" and "Mission Buddies" and these two groups will never interact. I've seen it at homecomings, weddings, baby blessings, birthday parties, concerts, bonfires, and MLM meetings. As a third party, you can always tell which group is which too. Mission buddies just say hi to each other differently than real friends. They always light up, walk over, shake hands, and then stand there with arms folded and ask "What have you been up too since..." or "Man, remember that time we did that thing to Johnson?" or "Wait, you served with Anderson right?" One of the guys in this group will ALWAYS be wearing a white shirt, and another will always be wearing something that has BYU on it. Nothing brings people from completely different worlds together like a mission, and likewise nothing creates awkward semi-permanent friendships. But that is not true of my mission buddies. Those guys are the bee's knee's.

Remember how I mentioned disinviting people to parties so that other people would come? I'm sure I'm gonna take some heat on this, but I don't care, cause I am right, but I feel like if somebody crosses one of your friends severely enough, you are obligated, as a friend, to hold a grudge against that person, and not invite them to your birthday party. Its the same thing when your friend gets dumped. You are obligated to perform the following, usually in order:

1- You join in with your friend in talking about how much you didn't like the girl to begin with, what a ho she is, and how she'll never find anyone better and probably end up alone and miserable.

2- You try to stop all the 'Hollabacks' that are prone to occur in such situations because they always end up hurting the dumpee more than the dumper.

3- You try to end the Post-Break up self-loathing-sit-around-and-play-halo-all-day-while-feeling-sorry-about-myself stage by bringing your buddy Mario Kart wii and try to convince him to go with you to the Gym/Pool/Lake/Baseball Game or anything else to get him out of the house. If he cleans up and agrees, you get him in the car, and change the plan to take him to a place that will have lots of babes. Preferably, easy babes... and then....

4- You do everything you can to get as many babes to hit on or hook up with him as often and as soon as possible so that he forgets all about that stupid whats-her-name that broke his creepy little heart.

"I got a girl in the war Paul, the only thing I know to do, is turn up the music and pray that she makes it through." -Josh Ritter

Spock

2009-05-10T00:26:00.000-07:00

I've been ridiculed about this all day, but I don't even care. I freakin' LOVED Star Trek. It was one of the most BA movies I've seen in a while. I am not even a Trekkie at all, but am seriously considering converting after this film. I'm going to try not to give away any spoilers, because I want all of my fans to go see this amazing film, cause it was just that awesome. I loved it in a completely opposite way than how I loved Twilight. I haven't seen a guy take a punch like Captain James Tiberius Kirk since Sly in Rocky V. Little Spock was SO BA! When he dropped that other little Vulcan tool-box into the Quiz-Pit and ate his lunch, I had flashbacks to Kind Edmund in Prince Caspian. And you know I don't give that much dap easily! Holy Cow, I also LOVED Harold as Sulu, and thought even George Takai would be proud. His switchblade samurai sword was awesome. I just loved it. Action packed! Go seeeeeee!!!

Further. I have been going through a phase. I'll tell some stories. I go to dinner last night at the Olive Garden with my cousin Jake, before we go meet up with some other people for the Star Trek movie. After we had been seated for a few minutes, they seat two Babes at a table across from us. Babes immediately begin checking me out. The checking out turns to staring and giggling. The staring and giggling turns into giving me eyes. The giving me eyes begins to really creep me out. All of a sudden, Babe reaches up to brush some hair out of her face and tuck it behind her ear, and what do I see Gleaming on her left hand? Yup, and "I'm married" ring. I look closer, and babe number 2 also has a wedding ring. I begin to discuss with Jake the 'why's' of the situation. Why do two married babes go out to the OG on a Friday night? Doesn't a GNO usually involve a few additional friends? Where are the husbands? Why do these two babes feel like its OK to stare down the boys across the room? Why don't they at least hide their rings? WTF? I was seriously bothered by these Babes, I mean, I felt like a piece of meat, and I decided to give them a piece of my mind in return. As we were walking out of the restaurant, we had to pass their table. I stopped and said to them "I know your husbands don't satisfy you, but that doesn't make it OK to go out to the OG and eye-eff the guys across the room." And then walked off.

Story 2:
I was at the gas station today. I saw a car full of OBVIOUS 16 year-old pull up. You know the type? Listening to Avril Lavigne and acting like they are sk8r's and cool. Two boys, two girls, in a car daddy obviously just bought for his sweethearts sweet 16. Anywho, the one kid with the longest hair, gets out of the back, pulls his pants (most likely his sisters, cause I don't think his GF would have been able to fit into them) up from his knees, to about the upper-middle of his thighs. I guess those studded belts really weigh down your pants. We'll call him Darryl. So Darryl gets out of the car, and walks into the Gas station, everyone else stays in the car. I'm laughing cause I know exactly whats going on. Darryl is at the cash register by the time I had chosen a drink, so I get behind him in line. His purchase is still on the counter. You guessed it, 2 packs of Newports. I said out loud, "Holy Cow. Did you just use your fake ID to buy cigarettes for you and your friends? Oh my gosh, that's so badass! I hope your Mom doesn't find out, she'll give you a spanking!" He looked at me out of the corner of his eye, grabbed his Cig's off the counter and walked out to his friends and told them about the jerk at the check out that almost blew his cover.

Sometimes I just feel like being a jerk. Is that bad?

"I'm a new soul, came to this strange world, hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take. But since I came here, I felt the joy and fear, finding myself making every possible mistake." -Yael Naim

Mesatown

2009-05-06T01:19:00.000-07:00

First off, I want to thank Hugh Jackman for bringing sexy back in his new movie, and proving the point I've been trying to for years:

That its perfectly fine for hairy men to run around naked all the time. Babes LOVE that!

Also, I went on a sweet vacation this weekend to Mesatown. It was beautiful. I got to spend lots of time with one of my favorite missionary pals. He has an MTV status crib in Gilbert, and put me up for a few days and nights. Super nice of him. He was also pretty good at showing me around town. Like on Friday, when he took me for a dirtbike ride through the desert for a couple hours... when we made it to the lake for some swimming and making fun of drunks.

We hit up B-Dubs. I freakin' love B-Dubs. My favorite part is the interactive trivia game they let you play against other patrons of the restaurant. Apparently, the 'Hot Wings' crowd usually aren't super savvy, so I always win. Nothing is more satisfying than dominating strangers at Trivia Games. Makes me feel like man.

I got to see one of my red-headed besties, her husband, and new baby girl. Nothing makes me feel old like watching babies grow up. I have been playing one of Dave's songs at shows and for friends for quite some time now, and I realized this weekend that I completely butcher it. I don't think that the SPR-fannation is going to hear Dr. Seuss anytime soon.

All my besties moved away to do summer sales so now I have nobody to hang out with and am sad.

And I got the Swine Flu in Mesa and thought I was gonna die. Turns out, I got better.

"Its a long way to heaven, its closer to Harrisburg, and that's still a long way from the place that we are. If evil exists, its a pair of train tracks and the Devil is a railroad car." - Josh Ritter

Brodeo

2009-04-27T00:59:00.000-07:00

Faithful. I just realized how long its been since I have posted. I'm sorry. Nothing of note has been happening I guess, and even worse, I've still been really busy. Things with the band have been better than ever. I think we have had 3 shows since my last post. We almost broke up tonight while playing Mario Kart wii. But I think Mike forgave me for unpausing it without him knowing, while he was in the lead on the last lap of Rainbow Road. Poor guy.

I had a pretty great weekend actually. All my buddies have left, or are soon leaving the valley for the summer, (I guess thats what I get for kicking it with a bunch of APX salesman)so we spent most of of the weekend catching up before we sent them off. This is a tradition I've never really understood. I think its a little counterproductive to spend a lot of time with someone right before they leave for a long time, because right now all I can think of is how lonely I'm gonna be all summer without my besties, and the weekend we just spent chilling together just solidifies all the things I'm going to miss. I'm already sad. I don't want to talk about it.

Friday night we kidnapped Zac Efron. We wanted to increase the amount of 15-17 year old babes at out shows, so Mike D, Miller Genuine and I kidnapped him, to bring him to the shows. Well, actually, we stole a cardboard cutout of him that was on some random babes apartment in Provo. They were having a party inside at the time, full of sweet-bro's of course, but Mike D totally sacked-up, grabbed Zac off the balcony, and ran him to the car with sweet-bro's in hot pursuit. Mike D threw Zac in the back of Baberaham and I sped off burning rubber, and leaving the sweet bro's shaking their fists in futility. SSSOOO satisfying. We spent the rest of the night Ding-Dong ditching him on our friends porches, and taking incriminating photo's of him with us. Great times.

So we played a show at the MUSE to help some school in some really poor Southest Asia country. If you wanna learn more, check out my friend Steve's website. We brought Zac on stage with us during the second song. I put my Bob Dylan Harmonica Holder around his neck. He's pretty much in the band now. Good old Zac "mother" Efron. After the show we went back to The Centaur's, cause he is always up to host an afterparty, and hung out. At about 1AM, after all the babes had gone home, we were still rollin' 9 deep of dudes, several of whom I had not met before this night. We sat around the table and talked for a couple hours and honestly, it was one of the funnest nights I have had this semester. The conversations isn't really re-printable... but it was hilarious. I laughed for two hours straight and then I went outside and it was snowing.

Also, the Sox swept the Yankees. I love that.

"So I'm walkin' down that long, lonesome road babe, where I'm bound, I can't tell. Goodbye is too good a word babe, so I'll just say fare-thee-well. I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind, you coulda done better, but I don't mind. You just kinda wasted my precious time. Don't think twice, it's all right" -Bob Dylan

Leon

2009-04-08T00:51:00.000-07:00

So this post is basically a continuation of the same frustrations voiced in the last post, but in a different way. I don't know if me blogging about why I hate dating is boring to anyone... but its relevant to me right now and on my mind, so I will blog about it.

I had a very weird thing happen to me tonight. I have spent SO much time in my life out with the boys chasing babes. We used to have competitions with rules, prizes and penalties for who could collect the most Digits when we would go out. I know that may sound weird, but we did it, and I'm not ashamed. You would think after all these outings (hundreds, over a period of many years, literally) that one would become comfortable in them, and when presented with Golden Opportunities, would be able to perform. You would think. I was at Panda Express earlier tonight with two of my boys. In line behind us was a High School kid getting food for him and his folks, who were seated and waiting for him. In walks Babe, wearing this shirt --------------->
I was kind of staring at her because, A, She was cute, and B, I was trying to remember where I had seen that shirt before. So as to not creep her out, I said out loud, "I'm trying to remember where I have seen that shirt... American Apparel." She smiled and said "Yup." I said "I remember looking for one with a G on it, but they didn't have one." She replied with "Ya, I don't even know what the B stands for." I quickly said "Babe," and then turned my back to her as she accepted the compliment and said "Thanks, I'll take it." My friends and I continued our conversation and I didn't even look at her for the rest of the time we were in line. We got, and paid for our food, and made our way to a table. She did the same, but her meal was boxed up to go, however, she walked right past our table on her way out of the restaurant (I'm thinking this was to make sure we got a good look at her True Religion Jeans). When she had taken 3 steps past my table, I said in a strong voice, "Babe." She said "I can't believe you just called me that," as she did a three point turn and walked back to our table. I said "Why did you really choose the B?" She said it was because her name was Brittany, and she held out her hand to shake mine. I introduced myself and asked where she was off to in such a hurry. This is where I really lose it... she says "Um... just home to eat I guess... I'm not really doing anything tonight..." and I just sat there for about 15 awkward seconds, not saying anything, and then she was like "I'm gonna go now... I'll see ya around..." My friend, sitting across from me said, as she was walking out the door, "No, you probably won't." And she won't. I don't know if I clearly portrayed how bad she left the door open for me to get her number through this blog post, but lets just say french doors propped open with large stones. I've been beating myself up about this failure all night. I can't believe I didn't number-close that babe. Especially after I get on here and complain to everyone I know about the lack of legit babes, I totally waste golden chances to make new friends. I've been beating myself up about it all night. My friends didn't even need to make fun of me because I was so hard on myself. I couldn't believe I chumped out so bad. So now, I'm gonna be at work tomorrow thinking to myself, "Man, I wish I had a legit babe to text right now..." and then I'll remember how bad I dropped the ball and feel like Leon Lett!

Freak.

"Tell my mother, Tell my father, I've done the best I can. To make them realize, This is my life. I hope they understand. I'm not angry, I'm just saying... Sometimes goodbye... Is a second chance." -Shinedown

Expectations

2009-03-31T01:59:00.000-07:00

WARNING: I just read through this post, and it might make some of my older readers blush. Just saying...

I can only think of one time in my life that I have seen a Provo girl say no. It was in High School. I was part of a three-way group date, and we were making the drop-off rounds. One of my friends was walking his date, a 10 out of 10 Legit babe to the door. He leaned in for a smooch. She threw a forearm shiver, and literally hopped out of his grasp. Then she went inside, and when he returned to the vehicle, we all tried not to laugh. Tried. That babe has a little brother, that serves in the same mission I did. He goes around telling everyone that he is my cousin and makes up fake stories about our childhood shenanigans. Life really comes full circle.

I really don't want to be that guy. The one that goes around kissing girls that don't want to be kissed. It makes me sick to think about. I also don't want to be the guy that goes around and kisses everything that will kiss him back. Really, all I want is to be happy. I want to find a nice girl that loves me, and wants to come over to my house and do Yoga and make cakes with my Mom, play Wii and watch Disney with my sisters, and sit by a fire and sing love songs with me. I'm not even saying this is what I want for marriage. It would be a nice find to just hang out with for a while. I don't want a crazy, or a hooch, or tube of Ben-Gay (alternating Hot and Cold, get it?). Just a Legit Babe. I'm just getting really frustrated because lately it seems that I'm meeting lots of babes, and many of them are into me, but they are just crazy. I know some smart-a is gonna write back that it would take a crazy babe to be into me, and I agree, but that is not the point of this post. The point of this post is that I recently realized that my current patterns of behavior, especially those involving babes, are never going to get me where I want to be. Also, I think I figured out why...

I was leaving work the other day, and as I walked past some coworkers, I noticed they were complaining about Babes. I stopped and offered my opinion on a certain subject. They were struck by the quality of my advice, and offered another query. This spawned a 45 minute discussion about what a Pimp I am, how much tail I pull, and how they can be more like me, as I discoursed on Female Psychology mixed with Sales Theory; the only two things I know anything about. This exchange was fascinating, and I left it edified, but it wasn't until later that I realized how acutely I had called myself out. One of the gentleman present asked the question, "But what if you are consistently attracting the wrong type of people?" I answered immediately with "That's an easy one. There are those that say and believe that opposites attract, but that's not true at all. The truth is that you attract what you are, and what you portray. If you have a problem with who and what you are attracting, take a look at yourself and you will find that you are projecting an image that is drawing those people to you. Change your behavior, and you will change what kind of people are being brought into your life." Sounds like a pretty poignant wake up call for someone constantly complaining about how crazy all the babes are. Right now I'm recalling many recent events that lead me to believe that I'm not displaying a person I am proud of. Like today, a woman told me that I "ooze sexuality." WTF? That is not me. I mean, that could be the rockstar potion of my persona, but honestly I don't want to be oozing. I want to be charming, and attractive, but I don't want to be treated like piece of meat anymore. Anyway, I know that I'm rambling right now, but I am just really frustrated with the way I've allowed a couple specific relationships that I'm currently involved in get categorized into areas that are never going to lead to anything productive. Sucks.

"I didn't know, it would hurt so bad, to kiss her on the lips and remember the love that we had." -Band of Annuals

Snooze

2009-03-24T01:47:00.001-07:00

I am pretty sure I have a medical condition.

I don't sleep a lot.

If I have someplace I need to be in the AM, I always set my alarm for about an hour before, so that I have time to push the snooze button a few times before I actually get out of bed. Those nine-minute increments are absolutely critical to my mood swings throughout the day. However, during that time, I escape to a magical, and often very dark world. I don't really think that I am dreaming... but my mind wanders, I lack control of the subject matter, and I sometimes experience very weird things. I like to call these experiences "hallusnoozations." Last night I watched a movie right before bed. It was an old western staring Yule Brynner. During my REM sleep, everything was normal, and I was much too comatose to remember anything I was seeing as my eyes darted about in my skull. However, after I was awakened by my alarm, and I snoozed my way back to sleepy-time, the adventures happened. Suddenly, Yule Brynner, Snoop Dog and I were riding horses around the streets of Provo, brandishing Firearms and garbed in full Opry-Attire. What do you think the topic of conversation among such a crowd might include? Oh, don't worry, Yule was discoursing about conservationism and other republican propaganda including the need for Gun Control and Census Reform... At the very end he quoted Jeremiah 16:16, at which time Snoop passed me a bleazy and said "That's some deep s@#%." It was about this time that my alarm sounded again, snapping me back to reality. I hit snooze again and just laid in bed staring at the ceiling for a while. You know how in cartoons, when someone dies, the body stays laying in the position it was in when the person died, but the ghost of the person climbs up and floats away. That happened to me. My body stayed in bed, but I visualized myself getting up, bathing, enjoying a delicious breakfast, and even driving to work and interacting with people... all before having a panic attack when I realized I was naked, and that the police were coming to get me because I forgot to take that movie back to the Redbox. When I turned to run away from the police and my coworkers, I saw a hallway. I bolted down it at reckless speed. When I came to the end, there was a door. I looked over my shoulder to gauge my lead on my pursuers, as I opened the door and slipped inside, bracing the door with my back. I was breathing heavy, and I was huddled over to catch my breath. I had a weird, sickly feeling in my stomach, as if I knew something was not right. I slowly looked up, only to find myself, still naked, on stage with Aerosmith, in front of about a million people. Steven Tyler was just staring at me shaking his head, and Joe Perry was covering his eyes. From the crowd, a tube sock came flying at me, so I socked up and proceeded to finish the set with Aerosmith, Red Hot Chili Peppers style.

I don't do drugs, I promise. I don't know how this stuff comes to me.

"I have a dreamland. No one can see. I have a dreamland. Only for me." -Squaw Peak Road

wii-k

2009-03-12T01:28:00.000-07:00

Wow. What a wii-k. Remember last month when I blogged about how they give away a Nintendo Wii every month at my work. Well, we had the drawing last week. Guess who won? Me! w00t!! Karma pays off in a big way sometimes, like when people tell you you have a wii, and really don't... but now I do. And Mario Kart. Come over and play with my wii sometime...

Also. I spent the Wiikend in vegas (yes, I brought my Wii). It was a pretty sweet trip.

Aren't we hot? Yes. I'm glad you agree. Anyway, I went down there with Rockband Mike D and the Boys, and a few babes. It was sunshiney, and warm, and nothing like the snowstorm we left in Provo. I was very glad to have a chance to relax for a few days and sit in the hot tub and Brad's house. Also, I found a legit Sushi place, met Stevie Nicks, got told I looked like Elvis 3 times, bought nunchucks, watched a friend get felt up by some male strippers, saw a drunk redneck guy steal the shoes of a transvestite dancing in the street, enjoyed some B-Dubs, bought some Vinyl, oh, and cruised the strip in a red-convertible Mustang with a smokin' blonde. Life doesn't get much better.

"I said it too many times and I still stand firm; You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve" -Kid Rock

366

2009-03-04T00:32:00.000-08:00

366 days ago, I was a missionary. I can't believe how fast and far time has flown since then. I'm kind of sick of blogging about that, but its something I think about. Especially on days when I talk to friends from PA, like I did today. I miss them.

But I have moved on.

I have been very very busy lately. Summer is coming fast, and it has kind of been crunch time for me. The warm days have been fantastic though. Like today. It was pretty much spring. I ditched out on a couple obligations (read: school) this morning to go longboarding down Provo Canyon. Put me in a great mood. Last time I was on that path was in October when I went with Abbie. That is a very long time to be separated from nature. I had almost forgotten...

I had a great day at work. I love my job still. I get to go and see all my hoodrat frens and do hoodrat stuff with them.

After work I went to Mike D's and we jammed. Then we went to Velour and sang some love songs because it was Open Mic night. One of the songs we sang was "Sittin By the River in the Moonlight." Its a very summer song about chilling with a ladyfriend by the river at night and alludes to throwing down with her. I love it. Oh, and I may have taken a legit babe to my secret spot by the Provo River to swing on the swings and count stars. But it was freezing... so we went home. Not quite summer yet.

But its coming.

"Springs almost over and the summer is coming. Days are getting long. I waited all winter for the time to be right just to take you along..." Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

Victory!

2009-02-24T01:48:00.000-08:00

I did it. I successfully completed FAWM. With the month of February, I have written 14 songs. I'd like to thank Abbie for providing lots of Emo Inspiration, Centaur for a sweet collaboration, and all the other legit friends who contributed to this success. It was a team effort I believe. I feel pretty good about it. Below are the lyrics to #14. I think it was one of my favorites, and in Honor of being the final and crowning song from FAWM 2009, I shall call it #14 until I think of something better, or someone suggests a better name.

#14
I never try to be profound
when I sing about you
I see your face inside my dreams
But I still don't know you
You Blue Eyes burn like kerosene
The flames won't let me touch you

I'm falling
But I'm looking up
I've fallen
And I'm broken up
I'm falling
But I'm looking up
And I see you

I'm born to let my own light shine
But I find it blinding
I'm grinding gears to get ahead
The trouble lies in finding
What you want, and what you'll get
The hardest part is reconciling

I'm falling
But I'm looking up
I've fallen
And I'm broken up
I'm falling
But I'm looking up
And I see you

Your sweater hangs far below your waist
You thought you'd grow to fit it someday
Like all the songs I've written about you
You knew it was a lie, but wished it were true
Like my latest about how your decision was final
When I sang it you said “I think it would sound better on Vinyl”

Also, I had a huge relationship breakthrough last week. Or maybe just a life-goals breakthrough... It was important either way. I was at Burger Supreme with Butters enjoying an $.85 cheeseburger the other night and there was a couple in the booth opposite us, so naturally, we evesdropped. They were sitting on the same side of the table, like lovers do, and I was back to back with them, and could clearly hear the conversation. They were very obviously on a date, and very obviously in the hecka-awkward 'get-to-know-you' stage. They were doing a sub-par job of flirting and hitting on each other, and frankly, I was embarrassed for them. Oh, and Butters did some recon and confirmed the fact that neither party was rocking a taken-ring. By this point, you are probably curious as to what makes this story so special, because I do live in Provo, and dates are sickeningly commonplace around here. Well, I have thus far neglected to mention that both of these individuals were at least 50 years old, rockin' Gray Hairs, and the main topic of conversation was each others children and Church calling experience.

This was a huge wake up call for me. Marriage is one of those things I'm hoping to only have to go through once. (Unless of course the LDS Church decides to kick it old school and bring back the multiple partners thing) Seriously. I was laughing on the outside at these poor people, but on the inside crying with them. I cannot imagine anything scarier than waking up at 55 years old, finding yourself alone, and having to deal with all of the social pressures common in our culture. Especially after riding the bench from the previous 30 years. Yikes. Mark my words. Marriage is a ship this captain goes down with.

"Forever always seems to be around when things begin, but forever never seems to be around when things end." -Ben Harper

Collaboration!

2009-02-17T01:49:00.000-08:00

So it's two weeks into FAWM and I am ten songs down. I cranked out number nine last night and number ten today. I am pleased with a lot of the material. I'll be posting some on here today. In addition, Mike-D and I have found a new side-project that we are working with called: C3-The Collaboration! I was at work the other day, and my boy, Curtis Porter, came and asked me if I knew a guy that played the bass, and a guy that played the drums. I told him that I did, and asked why. He said that he and a buddy had made a white-boy rap CD when they were in High School, with some beats they made in their basement, and that they were looking to put together a N.E.R.D. or J-5 style band, to recreate these beats for live performances. I told him I was interested and we exchanged contact info. He called me a few days later and we set a time to jam. I called Mike-D and he was stoked at the idea of playing drums and rocking out with these guys. We showed up at the basement and THREW DOWN! Honestly I don't think I have ever had such a good time jamming with a band then I did backing up these white boy rappers. It was awesome. Stay tuned for more info about C3 because it will most definitely be off the hook.

In addition, one of the challenges for this year's FAWM was to collaborate, and have a co-writer. The closest thing I have ever done to that, was writing mean songs about girls from Nate Carter's stories. I was a little intimidated, but I have a legit friend, The Centaur, who had a song idea he was kicking around in a notebook for a while. We busted it out, and this is what we came up with. I like it.

Empty Sunsets
The old cliches pass on this one
Threaded efforts fray undone
Under the bridge our time slips away
As memories fade into neutral gray
Curtain closed on our role playing
Hope eclipsed by egos swelling
I was your fairytale figure, You were by dream girl
Slowly we realize our real world

(chorus)
This knights armor ain't shining
This prince still searching for his queen
Our fairy tale
Isn't ending well
This sunset ain't for you and me

You can have your ever after
And your ride off into the sunset too,
Because my saddle is empty and
The sun's casting my silhouette without you

(chorus)

I had never heard a sadder story
Than the one you used to sing
The man you thought was just a Merchant
Now reveals himself, a King

48 questions

2009-02-08T01:22:00.001-08:00

Freakin Facebook tags rope me into these things...

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Ya. Freakin Christopher Robin, but my mom thought that was too gay, so she gave me the very Regal name of Christopher Ryan Holdaway

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Thursday, after I found out I didn't really win the Nintendo Wii at work.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yes. I have like 5 different styles that I love. My fav is my legit cursive. Again, its very regal.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I have always found Pastrami to be the most sensual of all the salted, cured meats.

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Not that I know of... but its likely.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Not a chance. I'm kind of needy

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
Often

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Ya. Never even had a problem with them. But I have a superhuman immune system cause I eat raw beef.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
h to the no! I have a thing about heights. And the thing is, I hate them.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Cheerios. Duh. But to eat, Chex. Yum

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
Lately I have been sticking to Boots and Slip on's... so no. But when I wear shoes with laces I do.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Actually, I'm not an ice cream guy. When I do eat it, I like Cookie Dough. But just for the cookie dough.

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Whether or not I can beat them up

15. RED OR PINK?
Red... Hairs.

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I can't say no to people.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
PA

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Um... I'm not wearing pants... or shoes.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Hear the Scientist, by Squaw Peak Road

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE
Orange.

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Coffee. Hot Dogs. Girls.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Zoo

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Ya. But not cause they tagged me.

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Live? Baseball. On TV? College Football

27. HAIR COLOR?
Darkish Brown

28. EYE COLOR?
They change with my mood. Green usually. But have been known to become blue.

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Nope. But I have terrible vision. Especially peripheral.

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Italian

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS
Happy Endings

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Underworld.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Again with the clothes? Making fess up that I facebook naked....

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer.

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
both

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Cool people

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
gay people

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Some Barbara Tuchman... I love her.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
I haven't seen a mousepad since like, the third grade. But I had a really cool Lion King one.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
I don't watch a lot of TV but I did watch the Jazz Game last night. It was legit

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)
Harmonica. Slide Guitar.

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Uranus

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I have tons. Lots of special skills

46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
...on a mountaintop in Tennessee...

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Everyone

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
Um... I picked her up at a Bar, then we went and got a room at the La Quinta. The rest is history.

"I Ain't Lonely Now. I got someone I love. Someone to think about. Someone for me to take care of..." -Ryan Adams

wii-ked

2009-02-06T00:17:00.000-08:00

via videosift.com

I'm a really sensitive guy. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm usually very happy most of the time, but I'm not afraid to say that I cry sometimes. Recently, its been pretty frequently. Like today. At work. I was the victim of a TERRIBLE practical joke. I think I should back up and provide some history. I love my Job. Sometimes, I go into work in a bad mood, and I leave in a good mood because I love it so much. I love the people I work with, and they all love me. I sometimes feel like the OrangeSoda cheerleader because I always talk about how much I love my job and I spend a good portion of my day in the office going around cheering everyone up. They have no reason to be mean to me, but sometimes they tease me for fun. Like they made up a catch phrase called "Even Ryan Holdaway" that has become the "That's what she said." Around our office. The basically say "Even Ryan Holdaway could do that." Or something. Its sometimes funny, but usually mean... Anywho, another tradition at The Soda, is that every month the raffle off a Nintendo Wii. Well, the raffle was this morning, but I was at school, so when I showed up to the afternoon meeting, they announced "Hey, we had the Wii drawing this morning and the winner is Ryan Holdaway!" I freaked out like the guy was Bob Barker and I had just won my showcase showdown! Well guess what, I didn't win, they just told me that to see what I would do. Oh, and don't worry, they all sat around and laughed at me crying when they broke the news that it was just a cruel joke that they played on me. I don't know what hurt more, learning that I didn't win the wii, or that they had lied to me to watch me get excited and then let down. Oh man. It was awful.

So an update on FAWM. Its five days into the month and I have written four songs. I'm doing pretty good. On pace to get my goal, and have been very pleased with some of the new material. I wrote a song about Knights, about Cowboys, about Secret Romances, and about Rain.

"This Knights Armor Ain't Shining
This Prince is still searching for his Queen
Our Fairy Tale, isn't Ending Well
This Sunset Ain't for you and me."

The Notebook

2009-02-01T23:52:00.000-08:00

I just want to remind everyone that I am not gay. And this post, is not about The Notebook the Movie, its about The Notebook, the Notebook. The Notebook in question has a name, "The Gr8 Mid-American Songbook" and if you have ever seen it in person, you should consider it a High Honor, because only the few and proud have ever been cleared to look upon it. The Back Cover was decorated with Hussies holding Guitars, and the pages were filled with Love, Angst, and the most personal information I have ever penned. If my soul had a window, it would be that Black and White Composition notebook. 5 years of hopes and fears that were only published on my Talking Wall, or the Hood Hallway, or a bonfire in the Canyon. This is the Notebook containing the mysterious "3rd verse" to the song: Something Is Fear. It contained the only copy of the lyrics to the song "3 and a Half Bob Marley Songs Away." It contained sketches of all the Hilarious T-Shirts I was going to make when I got around to it, the Chord Progression to Spilled Drinks and Starlight and a million other awesome things I could never hope to remember. That is why I wrote them down. That notebook has been with me for 5 years, through 8 different states, and exactly 10,841 adventures. It has been in my life longer than my iPhone, my "Are you a Pirate or a Ninja?" shirt, and many of you. And, (drumroll please)due to the negligence and apathy of a friend... it is gone. Forever. With no hope of recovery.

I have had a couple days to deal with this sobering loss. I did cry a little, but that is only because I am emotional. I choose to use this experience as a springboard, and it couldn't come at a better time. February is Album Writing Month, and I intend to fill my new notebook with 14 new, original songs, in the next 28 days. I am also choosing to use this experience as a chance to let go of the past. I have been holding on to a lot of different emotions, that weren't exactly healthy. The Notebook served as sort of a refrigerator for some of those emotions, and a lot of times I would read things that I wrote, and feel the same way I did when I wrote them. I guess that is the power of a great song. Invoking emotion. However, for me, those emotions have a tendency to become my reality and be applied to present situations. That is fine, unless you are reading something you wrote about someone, sometime ago, when someone is still around sometimes and something is not right. Follow?

So I'm opening a new notebook today. And it is completely blank. I am leaving all beef in the past, all of it. I start fresh. I start new. You are welcome to join me.

"This road has all but taught me lessons, about my lonely soul. I am young and getting wiser, soon I will get old." -Joshua James

Announcements

2009-01-27T23:09:00.000-08:00

I've had a pretty weird week. Some unexpected turmoil surfaced in a very important relationship... and a week later, I'm surprisingly OK with it.

I have been struggling a little to make some decisions regarding employment, and future plans, but I had a bit of an epiphany today at work. I love my job. There is a lot to be said for getting up every morning, and going to work, and being happy all day. There is also a price that will buy me, waking up every day, and being miserable until you go to bed and repeat the process for four months straight. We will see how that turns out.

I came across some very hilarious Republican Propaganda the other day. Its worth checking out.

A friend of mine recently blogged about how bad she hates kids that fry their brains playing the video games. I have to vehemently disagree with her. I think video games are awesome for kids, because it turns them into little BA's, like this one:

"Its fun to do bad things."

So in all seriousness, the biggest thing I have to announce is my participation in FAWM February Album Writing Month. A challenge among songwriters to write 14 songs in 28 days. I've been wanting to do this for a few years now, and am finally in a position to do so. I'll post up on here from time to time if I come up with anything good. And Ladies, this is a time that I might need some inspiration... you know the number... I'll make you famous!

"We're about to do a show tonight, you're lookin' good girl, show you right,
Take you places, I know you like, I can make you a celebrity overnight" -Twista

Haven

2009-01-15T00:24:00.000-08:00

So I was browsing my pictures folder tonight, and I found a few videos... I really miss my friends in Lock Haven, PA. The boy band came together one night while practicing to perform a Musical Number for a Branch Conference. The Stake Presidency asked us to sing the same number in a Stake Meeting, and Steve Harris had the brilliant idea to organize a musical fireside. In addition to our acapella boy band, he recruited some talent from the ward, including John and Alyssa Phillips; two of my all time, most favorite people. A bunch of people from town and most of the Branch showed up to the chapel to check out the performance... and we even had some patrons from the mystical land of Utah. My Parents came to get me, and since this fireside took place the very last night of my mission, they came to Havenstock.

These videos are of the guys and I singing a song, John and Alyssa singing a song, and The guys and I singing a song again. I hope you enjoy. The quality through youtube isn't what it was live. Those are some talented, awesome people that I love and miss a lot.

"I would choose to be with you. That's if the choice were mine to make. But you can make decisions too, and you can have this heart to break." -Billy Joel

Restless

2009-01-13T01:05:00.000-08:00

I'd like to begin this post by giving some dap to my redheads for the comments on the last post. I'm glad I have fans. You guys are a hoot.

Second. I was playing this song the other night and got a request for the lyrics. Here goes:

Tiffani Broke My Heart Just Now When She Wouldn't Let Me Beat Up That Stupid Emo Kid (Timing is Everything)
Its funny how the right idea at the wrong time
Makes a man change his mind
Its funny how circumstance
Leaves you only one chance
Its hard to tell where you're gonna go
If you never try to know
Its hard to tell intermission from the end
When a redheaded stranger becomes your blue-eyed friend

Timing is everything

Its scary what you almost don't start
When you're afraid you're gonna get hurt
Its scary what I forgot to say
You ended up hearing anyway
I don't believe in rushing in
And scaring off lonely friends
I don't believe in love at first sight
And I don't regret things that feel this right

Timing is everything

Third. I'd like to gripe about how hard it is to make big decisions. Anybody intimately acquainted with the details of my personal life will have a hard time believing that everything is anything but peaches around me. However, sometimes, I don't want peaches. I want a pineapple or a strawberry or a maraschino cherry and those peaches make me want to puke. I have such a "grass is greener" complex. I don't know why I even talk to people. The other day I had my mind set on joining the Navy so they'd pay for Law School. Wait, what? I'm serious. Also, I've been sweating a couple summer vacation possibilities, at one point I thought I made a decision but now I'm not so sure. My brain is about to fry from weighing pro's and con's of situations with multiple variables. No wonder I'm so terrible at advanced math, and chess. I have always had great difficulty processing the way changes in one area effect changes in others. I can't see repercussions as I look ahead. I feel like the theme of my adult life has been, "Wow, I didn't plan on that." Sucks.

"Damned if I do, Damned if I don't. Tied in knots, scared as hell, just in case you couldn't tell." -Jared Woods

16 Candles

2009-01-09T01:34:00.001-08:00

I pretty much never put up with this kind of Hashish, and had it come from anyone but Val, I wouldn't have responded... but it looked fun. So, here I am, responding to my first ever tag.

The premise, is that you write 16 interesting facts about yourself, and then tag 16 people. Here goes:

1- I love Reese's peanut butter cups. A lot. They are kind of like Scooby Snacks for me, cause I will snoop around any creepy abandoned theme park, unmask any shady villain, or brave any manner of creep and gloom, for the promise of a Reese'. Yum Yum.

2- You know how every classroom you have ever been in has had that one kid who knew all the answers, but also wanted to make sure YOU knew HE knew all the answers? Ya, I love being that guy.

3- If I could have the choice between Hooves, Claws, or Fangs; I would choose fangs. I seriously have this thing about biting people in the neck. Ask any of my former (haha, or CURRENT) girlfriends, and they will tell you horror stories of being nibbled by me.

4- I really love to cuddle, and I feel like this is one area of my life in which I have displayed considerable talent. I chalk it up to the Princesses I live with, cause they are very affectionate and love me a lot. I like movie time with them. Just this past Sunday I was sneaking in a little nap with my 6 year old Cinderella, and it was her turn to be the Big Spoon...

5- My Historical Man-crush is James K. Polk He expanded the country, regulated the first Postage Stamps, and created an independent treasury. AND, inspired a They Might Be Giants song. Cool.

6- My secret vice is a strong desire to get a tattoo. Seriously, if I could think of something I wanted, it would probably already be on my body. Even on my mission, I would walk around Lock Haven, right past the 'Body Enhancements' place, and contemplate different ideas. My best so far: Michael Jackson in a white moonwalker suit, with a sword, fighting a dragon.

7- I hate Spiders. They freak me out, a lot. I'm so scared of spiders. Especially this very scary special brand I discovered in PA. They were huge and brown and ugly, with fangs and claws and talons, and laser beams on their heads. Pretty much nature's perfect killing machines.

8- I have a pretty widespread reputation for lacking integrity. Mostly because I cheat whenever possible and lie all the time. But really, I don't like to think of that as dishonest, I prefer to think of it as living in my own world. A world where I am right, and perfect, and always best. Then I simply bend reality to match my world. Its a simple process really.

9- I kind of have this thing for redheads. I think that the 3 most faithful readers of this blog are all redheads. I think its because I used to watch a lot of cartoons as a kid, and in the late 80's and early 90's there were a lot of Foxy Redheaded cartoons. My first love was April O'Neil.

10- I have really really good aim. Its scary good. When I was 12, I was on a little league baseball team that lost our first few games because our pitching was so terrible. I got really frustrated, so I drew a target grid on the shed behind my house, and would go out there for hours at a time practicing my aim. I got really, really good. Also with guns, I'm pretty much a dead-eye jedi. I want to clue you in on how B-A my family is. My Grandma, the sweet (but crazy) old lady that lives in my basement and makes cookies when my friends come over used to be a Tournament Competition Sharpshooter and at one time was Ranked among the Top 10 Most Deadly Women in the Country. Don't get me started on my PA Hillbilly Pap and his basement bullet making factory. Shoot.

11- When I was a little boy I used to like to "water the plants" for my Mom. By that, of course I mean urinate on them. This started a lifelong love affair with me and the outdoors. Especially, nature calling while in nature. Super weird confession; I went through a phase in High School, where I would mark my territory all over town by urinating on Fire Hydrants and conquering bridges.

12- You will never beat me at Egyptian Ratscrew, or Trivial Pursuit. I've never lost at TP and only been beat once at ER, BUT it was to a girl, and I wasn't slapping as fast cause she was complaining that I was hurting her hand. I have since purged this weakness and will show no mercy.

13- If there is a mirror anywhere in the room, you can be certain I will causally glance at it and check out my hair. Why shouldn't I be able to enjoy my legit mohawk along with everyone else in the room?

14- I like to sleep in a bedroom that is a cold as possible, like sub 60 degrees in preferred in the summer, 50 in the winter. I like to caterpillar in a ball between my bed and the wall with a pile of big blankets. My roommates in Boston would have secret meetings about getting me to turn up the thermostat cause it was too cold in our apartment. In July.

15- If there is a an opportunity for me to be shady. I will take it. I love to make up secrets, and start rumors. In High School, I would start rumors with the intention of seeing if I recognized it when it came back to me.

16- I like to watch Sportscenter and criticize the analysts. I have it in my head that I know more than anyone about anything. But I do... so, no big.

There you have it. 16 interesting facts and a few stories. Here are my retribution tags.

1- Val (Ha! You have to do it again)
2- Dash
3- Lisa
4- Tiff
5- Dani
6- Carly Jo
7- Lauren
8- Rachel
9- Tosh
10- Leslie
11- Britt
12- Sarah
13- Emily
14- Jess
15- Jenny
16- other Jenny

"I've got 16 days. One for every time I've gone away. One for every time I should have stayed. Should have worn my wedding ring." -Ryan Adams

Snow

2009-01-05T22:27:00.000-08:00

When it is Cold Outside, I am Cold Inside
Budha holds a candlestick, that stinks up my whole room
But I hardly notice it, cause I'm lying next to you
Allison, I want you to know
That I love you like I do
You looked up and smiled at me,
and said "Babe, I love you too."

That was a month ago,
It's gotten cold
Damn that April snow
It always seems
To remind me
Of the day I let you go
Allison, when you died
You took a piece of me with you
When its cold outside, I am cold inside
and all I can see is you

A year has gone, I've tried to move on
And find somebody new
But every girl I come across
I measure against you
Allison, I though you were the one
No I guess I'll never know
But I'll always think of you
When I see that April snow
When Its cold outside, I am cold inside
I think that will never change
When Its cold outside, I get cold inside
and I think that will never change

Budha holds a candlestick, that stinks up my whole room
But I hardly notice it, cause I'm thinking about you.

Today was a pretty good snow day. I got to enjoy some delicious Sushi with my Madre. I left work early cause I had some hashish to accomplish. I had to be ultra pronto with my errands because it was precipitating in a big way, and poor Baberaham Lincoln doesn't handle the snow very well, and I wanted to make it home alive. When I made it home, I pretty much got to hang out and enjoy the snow day. I multi-tasked my freedom like a pro. Switching between Hook and the Fiesta Bowl on the telly, while reading a Children's novel about a mouse that falls in love with a Princess. It was a pretty fantastic evening.

I seriously hate being cold. I can't stand the snow; It stresses me out to drive in, it makes me cold and miserable. The only good thing about snow, is sitting inside near a fire snuggling with a legit babe.

"As for being patient, with fate and all, it's getting old.
And my mind is slowly changing
I'm calling all my oldest friends,
Saying "sorry for this mess we're in,"
And I'm waiting, waiting
For the Sun to come and melt this snow,
wash away the pain, and give me back control, control." -Bayside

2008

2009-01-01T23:39:00.000-08:00

So I'm sitting in my living room right now with about a half dozen of my favorite babes (read: my Princesses and a coupla female cousins) watching Peter Pan, reflecting on a conversation I had earlier this evening with another one of my favorite babes. It's been a great year. We sat in my car and talked about the last 12 months for a few hours. Its been up and down, I've made a lot of memories and a few mistakes, and I think the rest of this blog post will go month to month with some highlights:

January:
Best:
January found me in Lock Haven, PA sharing a room with a guy that I consider one of my best friends. Connect-4 and I had a lot of great times making Taco's and eating Lisa's Mexican Delicious, but I think my favorite memory from this month was the time spent with Coach Cahta and the band preparing for our musical fireside. Sunday night around Abe's or Meesta Harris' piano are some of the highlights of that winter.

Worst:
They say that a mans control of his emotions is an easy barometer of his spiritual progression. One day, Connect-4 and I were walking down a snowy/slushy street in the Haven, and a Green 4Runner crossed lanes, and hit a huge puddle, creating a splash that covered me with nasty water sludge. I flipped out. Looking back, it wasn't a huge deal, but I am a little ashamed of my reaction.

February:
Best:
In February, I finished my mission, and got to go home.

Worst:
In February, I finished my mission, and had to go home.

March:
Best:
I spent a lot of time catching up with old friends and family and trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life. Unwinding was an interesting experience. I remember going to a movie called 3000 BC with a bunch of friends and being completely enthralled. When we walked out of the theater, everyone was talking about how lame and ridiculous the movie was, and I thought about it for a moment and realized, that in fact, it was retarded. But the company was good.

Worst:
Man, my head was spinning the whole month. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life at all. All of the planning or prognosticating I had ever done had lead me to the day I finished my mission. I had never looked beyond that, so when I got home I felt like a rocket ship without wings.

April:
Best:
I heard a song by Augustana called "Boston" and I liked it. So I moved there. It was awesome.

Worst:
Oh man. April was a rough month. I had a falling out with a really close friend that sparked a 3 month mutual silent treatment. One of the most miserable experiences of my life.

May:
Best:
I pulled a sneak attack on the Dash and drove up to New Hampshire to visit him on his mission. Already been blogged about I know, but one of my favorite memories from the summer.

Worst:
It was hard for me, especially at first, to be in a strange new place, with creepy Harvard people. I was used to having a lot of friends around and remember being really lonely when I first got to Boston. I got over it though.

June:
Best:
This is an easy one. Best memory from June was chillin' at Fenway Park with a Pastry Chef. This place is more magical than Disneyland. Seriously.

Worst:
Happened the same day as best. I borrowed a co-workers car and got in a wreck like 100 yards from our apartment. Sucked bigtime.

July:
Best:
July was a month for mending bridges. The Fourth of July in Boston was incredible. Skinny dipping in Walden Pond was a lot of fun. But the best part about July was staying up all night, 'Calling Baton Rouge.' Or going to see the Beautiful Girls and Joshua James in Boston. That was awesome too.

Worst:
I am a Momma's boy. When I lived in Boston I would call my Mom every day. In July, my family went to Lake Powell and I couldn't call my Mom for a whole week. In addition, I had to think about all of them, livin' it up in my favorite place in the world, without me. Lamerang.

August:
Best:
I came home from Boston in dramatic fashion. A couple days after I got home, me and Abbie Martin went to the Jack Johnson show. It was awesome. Not only to be back, hitting up concerts again but, you know, to not hate my concert buddy was nice too.

Worst:
Realizing that I had just spent 4 months in Boston and still had no idea what to do with my life.

September:
Best:
Back on the talking wall with Smokey the Bandit, pelting out love songs like the good ol' days.

Worst:
I went on a SUPER awkward date in September. Like the kind that makes you want to retire from dating and kill yourself. Oh man.

October:
Best:
October saw the birth of Squaw Peak Road.

Worst:
Freakin Creepers

November:
Best:
Being with my family for Thanksgiving for the first time since 2004 and:

Worst:
The roommate/ward situation at Old Mill. I gambled going into a situation I knew nothing about, and it backfired.

December:
Best:
December has been awesome. Vegas trip was a lot of fun. I've also had a lot of time to kick it with some neglected friends, and that has been nice.

Worst:
I hate snow. Seriously.

All in all, Its been a great year, and I can't wait to see what 2009 holds.

"They say that time will make all this go away. But its time that has taken my tomorrows and turned them into yesterdays." - Ben Harper

Drummer Boy

2008-12-15T01:36:00.000-08:00

I had a pretty fantastic week and I want to blog about it.

Tuesday night, I got a call from The Centaur, and he wanted me to tag along on a little dinner appointment he had set up with a guy we used to work for. Anyone who knows me, knows how much I love the free lunch, so of course, I was down. We arrived at the P.F. Chang's and enjoyed some Chang's Chicken, Spicy Beef, Lettuce Wraps, and Honey Glazed Shrimp. During dinner, Swick Em mentioned he needed some help on the following evening and asked if we were available. I told him I was busy, cause I had previously made plans to get some Sushi with Abbie Martin. Swick Em went on to describe what he needed help with; The company we had all worked for, happens to be the #1 contributor to the United Way from the State of Utah. They had raised over $100,000 to do sub-for-santa. The only problem, was now they had to go shopping for all these kids. I told him I could do it.

So Wednesday after work I picked up Abbie and we headed down to the corporate office to pick up a stack of cash and a list of kids to buy Christmas presents for. We were given instructions to buy each of our kids 2 clothing items, 2 toys, and a book. It was pretty fun to see the shelves at Target RAVAGED by a bunch of people that have a reputation for being the most selfish and materialistic in the valley... especially considering we weren't shopping for ourselves. After toys and books at Target, we headed down to Kohl's to get these kids some clothes. It was kind of hard for me picturing these kids and trying to guess sock sizes... but I had some help and we got some sweet swag for these kids. The Kohl's people were pretty fantastic too, so I feel pretty good giving them some dap. They gave our company 20% off the lowest marked price of everything we bought and also blocked off a couple of registers to aid efficiency. We ended up spending over 20 grand that night at Kohl's. I didn't end up getting Sushi, because the place was closed by the time we finished shopping... Sacrifice, right?

Thursday was great. Dash has been telling me for weeks about this magic sports bar in Park City that does all-you-can-eat wings for $5 on Thursday night. Me, Dash, B-Rad and Rockband Mike headed up and out to the PC to sample some wings. Man, they were fantastic. I have some great memories from the summer, sharing hot-wings with my boys B-Money and J-Holk. The Thursday night OrangeSoda and Hot Wings in Park City is gonna be my new tradition... But I still miss my 17 year-old, narcoleptic roommate. Before heading back to Provo, we swung by the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory to pick up some delicious candy. Yum.

Friday I spend some time catching up with my best friend, enjoying some delicious pork burrito's and indoor soccer... all while texting my best more-than-friend, friend.

Saturday, I moved out of my apartment (thanks for the help Jaques) under the veil of darkness... well not really, because it was at about noon, but we loaded and left in about 10 minutes flat and none of my roommates saw. They still don't know. Awesome. After moving, and a snack, I spent the rest of the day with the Band, in Studio, laying down some tracks. It went pretty well. I really love to play guitar. I don't know if you knew that about me, but I do. Also, Saturday night was great because I finally got my Sushi, and I got to go see my boy, Dan Reynolds, and his awesome band The Imagine Dragons win the Velour Battle of the Bands. They were awesome.

Sunday I just got to chill with my princesses all day.

"Talking about a Southern Girl, make you feel right. In the Mississippi Morning, she's and Angel in Flight. In the blink of an Eye, she'll be out of your sight. Something about a Southern Girl." -Amos Lee

Renaissance

2008-12-03T02:43:00.000-08:00

Today is the 2 year anniversary of the worst day of my life. I don't even know where to begin to describe the situation... it started with a phone call, included a plane ride, and culminated at a church. I don't remember sleeping at all that night. All I remember is bawling my eyes out, and praying more earnestly than I ever have before or since. I'm a little reluctant to say this, but I could not find comfort, even in prayer. I have never felt more alone in my entire life than I did on the night of December 2nd, 2006. Abandoned, betrayed, and alone.

This post isn't about that night. Its about the things that have happened since. I still look back on the events that shortly followed, and am more than amazed at the way things worked out. Honestly, I don't think I could do it again, and I sort of feel like I got lucky it worked out at all. Not very many things have ever been able to really get me down, so I'm pretty sure I would have gotten over it eventually, but I'm very glad for the positive things that have fallen into my lap since then.

The amount of time I have spent on my own since then has really allowed me to forge my own identity, independent of the socially constructed 'Cheerios' that my old friends expected me to be. I have spent almost half of this time surrounded by people that did not know me, and did not really have any expectation of what I should be. This might not seem important, but it means the world to me when I can have new friends, like the Kung Foo Panda, describe a portion of my personality in exactly the opposite way that my reputation in High School defined me. I am certain that I stand today a better man than when I came to Omaha.

That winter was a really crossroads for me spiritually. It was really the first time in my life that I had sincerely petitioned God for anything. I use words like desperation, and craving to convey the feelings I had during that time. Nothing helps you realize the value of something like having it withheld from you. I needed something and could not get it for myself. The timetable of this process was a very valuable lesson. I remember redress came on the very day I selected in my mind to be my last one holding out, waiting for an answer. I was ready to throw in the towel on some very important plans and goals, and had even selected an ultimatum day... that never came.

The relationships that have come into my life since then are among my choicest blessings. It makes sick to think about trading them in. I would not even know Abbie Martin, Blakey Poo, Connect4, Cahta, L, Rockstar Dave, Jak-Jak, Jewel, Meesta Harris, Abraham and Jannel, or Shamu. I would not have any of my awesome stories about the rednecks in PA. I would not know what a Peirogie is. I would have never gotten to visit Mecca (aka, the Martin Guitar Factory). I would never have moved to Boston and met all my rad friends there. I wouldn't have written any of my best sad songs. Without Cahta to teach me, I would still really suck at singing. Wow. My life would be awful, and I'd still be an arrogant punk soaking in the Provo Scene. Yay for bad experiences and resilient hearts.

"Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there is still time to change the road you're on" -Led Zepplin

Twilight

2008-12-01T17:33:00.000-08:00

So, Saturday night, I went to see twilight (with 5 women). I feel like every time I tell someone I went to see twilight, I have to qualify myself as hetero, by throwing in that I went with 5 babes. I didn't go in expecting much from the film, but I actually really really liked it. I've decided that Twilight is kind of like the Aquabats... You're not really sure if they are taking themselves seriously, and if they are, its like the most pathetic thing ever, but if not, it's straight up, brilliant comedy. Same thing with Twilight. If they set out to make a serious romance movie, then they crashed and burned bigtime, but as a comedy, it was amazing. I was laughing out loud the entire time.

I loved the casting. One of the best jokes of the whole show is this Edward guy that is like every 12-16 year-old girl's fantasy. Then he falls in love with Bella, who moves to this new school and pretty much overnight has like 10 guys fighting over her. What makes it hilarious is just how plain looking all the actors are. Bella is just flat out not cute at all, yet she woo's the most charming, handsome, vampire-man in the universe. Do work Bella! Way to pull a Kevin Federline!

I loved the acting. I love how the first time Bella walks in the Biology classroom, Edward freaks out like a 6 year old kid who just smelled a fart. Then she sits down and he starts panting like a rapist, and then storms out of the room. Oh man, I wish I could find a clip on youtube... but I can't... I also love the part(s) where Edward keeps trying to explain to Bella that he can't date her, and she keeps arguing with him. I love you... but you can't... but I do... but I'll kill you... but I trust you... but you can't... but I do... ect... Hilarious.

I also really love how logical and realistic the plot was. "Hey Bella, this is that really evil Vampire guy you've been running from. Please, actually, just leave those other vampires that are protecting you and meet me at this creepy, abandoned ballet studio so we can talk. Its not gonna end up with you or your Mom getting hurt at all... cause I'm not like, a blood sucking monster-man with superpowers or anything. Oh, and please don't tell anyone where you're going, cause I'll know, even though they can read my mind and see the future and stuff anyway... Ok, see ya soon. Love ya bye."

Did I mention how much I loved the actors? Have you ever seen a Baby doing work in his Diaper? You know the face he makes? Meet Jasper

Oh, and my favorite part about the movie was definitely all the charming, witty things Edward says. I picked up some great material to use women at the supermarket, like this Gem: "Your scent is like a drug to me Bella, You're my own personal brand of Heroine." Oh, and its not creepy at all the Edward is a 108 year old dude, pervin' on a 17 year old girl and sneaking into her room at night to watch her sleep. Nope. That's just what lovers do...

"Everyone's your friend in New York City. Everything is Beautiful, when you're young and pretty. The streets are paved with Diamonds and there is just so much to see. But the best thing about New York City is... You and Me!" - They Might Be Giants

Bangarang!

2008-11-28T00:42:00.001-08:00

So I'm laying in bed right now, reflecting on a fantastic Thanksgiving Day, and finding sleep is coming slowly due to the tryptophan induced coma that occupied most of my afternoon. I've got a lot to be thankful for. I have a really good friend, that's kind of a Centaur, and is very wise. He's always telling me how fortunate we are... usually as we are on our way to kick it with Babe's or go to work at our legit careers. I didn't want this to turn into a thanktimony blog, but The Centaur has a point; I'm blessed and I need to give some dap. People often ask me how I'm doing, so here it is. I'm great. My job is awesome. I love it. I keep recruiting friends to come work with me, just cause I love it so much. I don't love that I sometimes have to spend hours viewing lingerie websites, but I really like the people I work with, the service I provide, and the company culture in general. Its awesome.

Also, I have got some pretty fantastic friends. I'm shocked every day at the quality and quantity of people that choose to associate with me. I have been very fortunate to cross paths and swords with good people, and I love them. I am supremely satisfied with most of the relationships I am involved in right now. Things couldn't be better. Seriously.

The Band is doing awesome. I'm real excited for our show this weekend, and a little nervous that I'm gonna choke bigtime... but that is mostly because I am insecure. I recently added a new member to my image consulting crew, and she has done me up to have hair like Rufio. I couldn't be happier with my reddish mohawk. Except at Thanksgiving Dinner with all my Aunts, or when my Dad calls me gay. Those aren't highlights. But everything else is doing awesome.

"I lied and told her I loved her, She didn't care, but anyway... I told her we'd still be friends, And she didn't care, but anyway... I tried last week for to call her, She wasn't home, but anyway... I think I'll spend my life alone, I really don't care right now, but anyway...." -Blues Traveler

Creeper...

2008-11-18T03:22:00.000-08:00

So as a follow-up to my creeper post a while back. I thought I would throw down an update: She still won't leave me alone. Freak.

This guy is pretty bad too. Why can't people be normal?

"Every breath you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you" -Sting

Questions

2008-11-12T04:01:00.000-08:00

Blogosphere, I need your help. I am at a crossroads of sorts, and have some options weighing on my mind. Some friends have recently spent some late night hours with me discussing these problems and potential solutions but I have yet to receive advice that is both reasonable and reliable. It seems that I can cogitate my way around just about anything presented to me. However, I was able to sum up my beef into a single query, and take it to the one source of truth and wisdom I know to be infallible and beyond question in these matters; The Magic 8 Ball application on my iPhone. When presented with the question, 8 Ball returned the answer I did not want to hear. With a convincing "It is decidedly so" staring up at me I am now questioning the reliability of the 8 Ball. Is this an example of tough love, where the 8 ball knows whats best for me and wants me to move in that direction, even though its gonna sting like crazy? OR am I putting way to much weight behind a random algorithm programmed by some MIT dropout when I should really be figuring things out for myself?

I can't decide. However, I live in America, and that means I don't really have to choose, because I can have a vote instead. So... Here's the deal. I need everyone who reads this to leave a comment with your vote about whether or not I should follow the advice of the 8 Ball. I'm really gonna act according to the consensus of the majority here, and there is no electoral college to balance the power, ok? Its a straight popular vote, and could very much effect my life for a long time. So take it serious.

The Choices:

YES- Follow the council of 8 Ball

or

NO- 8 Ball is full of hashish. Do the opposite!

Please respond as soon as possible, I would like to get the ball rolling on this by the end of the week. Thanks.

"Whats a conscience anyway, but a friend who lies" -Brinton Jones

Super Tuesday

2008-11-03T22:45:00.000-08:00

I thought it was only appropriate to get on here and encourage my peeps to do the responsible thing and get out to vote. Seriously. Its important.

"The Times, They Are a Changin" -Bob Dylan

Squaw Peak Road

2008-10-29T01:48:00.000-07:00

So it's official. I'm in a band again and we are freakin' awesome. Since I'm pretty sure that everyone that came to the show tonight are regular readers, I'm gonna say "shanks." To those that were separated from us by some lame excuse like 3,000 miles... I'll just let you sit back and bemoan while you think about what you missed out on. I met Mike D about a week ago, and he's super talented. We've written some music, and are looking to get recording and playing regularly. If you have a myspace, you can add us here If not, and you wanna hear the hashish... email me or something and we can work something out. Our song, Summer Ashes is up on the myspace, so you can go check it out. Also, I have gotten a few requests to publish the lyrics, so here they are. I wrote this song last fall, while sitting on a stump, and staring at Bald Eagle Creek. I was watching the leaves float downstream. The metaphor is that when leaves start to fall, you know summer is over, because they are all that is left. The Ashes of Summer. Hope you likey like.

Summer Ashes
Bright eyes, and Blue Skies
Goodbyes and White Lies
Surprising Alibi's
Changing as your tears dry
Watching your peace break
Feeling each mistake
You earned your heartache
You made your name fake

Summer Ashes and Falling Leaves
Is all that I have left to remind me
Of a perfect spring
With gray turning green
The red and yellow now burn up my memory

Play me your sad song
Tell me I got it wrong
I knew that all along
You covered up too strong
And now you make your move
Just then your stories grew
Engagements falling through
Who said I missed you?

Promised you never meant to keep
Are ignored, forgotten, not allowed to speak
Creeping arrangements for a rendezvous
"We" now includes, me, and him, and you

Bright Eyes and Blue Skies
Exchanging High Fives
Redo's and Second tries
All fixate on better buys
Have you now had enough
Sucking it up and acting tough
Walking away from Stuff
Is easier than breaking up

Also, You may notice a banner ad added to the blog. I am NOT selling out, it is for a good cause. Check it out. You can build your vocabulary while helping fight world hunger. I love it.

"'Learn Three chords and start a band' are the seven words that changed my life"- Mullets and Bullets

Etiquette

2008-10-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

I have had this blog for a few months now, and even though there have been several females that have really burnt my toast during that time, I have, until now, never written a flame-blog. But, to quote Popeye, "I've had all I can stansk, and I can't stansk no more!!" And, no Abbie, I'm not mad at you. This time.

Have you ever been dumped by someone you weren't dating? Multiple Times? Then has dumper ever dumped you multiple times in the same day, and later that night, insulted you while asking you to come over and "watch a movie?" Cause I have.

I have a friend, we'll call North Platte, that always tells me about all the creepers and players she meets and finds around BYU and I always laugh at the vicissitudes of her dating life. I never had any comparable material to share with her, because frankly, girls don't like me, and I am scared of them anyway, so I mostly keep to myself. However, I picked up a super aggressive admirer recently and she has been going about the woo-ing of Ryan Holdaway in all the wrong ways. The purpose of this post is to educate this lass in some basic manners of interpersonal relationships.

Point 1-
You totally made the first move. Which is cool. I was and still am flattered that you took such a fancy to me so quickly. I am also super impressed you had the balls to push me so hard and make an effort to get to know me cause I know how scary that can be. However, you totally came on way too strong, especially without receiving anything that resembled a green light from me. Most guys like at least a little chase, and I don't know of any that appreciate being given a Mix Tape by a girl they just met full of Avril with instructions to focus on the song "Girlfriend."

Point 2-
You made an effort to invite me to do stuff. Again, this is cool. Whats not cool, is being butt hurt about it when you want me to come over right now and I have something else already going on, and then trying to make me feel guilty for blowing you off. I'm not blowing anything off, I just have crap I gotta do. Let me explain a little about my daily schedule. I get up every morning by 7:30 and I leave my apartment. I might make an appearance there again after work at 5 or 6 to grub up a little bit, but then I am out and off again until at least 1AM. Every single day. I'm not just sitting around waiting for people to call, I'm out doing hashish. Nothing finds a place in my life unless I make time for it, on purpose, and I'm not gonna blow off someone else to come hang out with you at the drop of a hat. Only one woman in my life has that kind of power, and its my Madre. If you really want to do something, give me a day or two to plan on it, because texting me at 10:45 on a friday night asking me to come over and watch a movie at 11:00 is setting yourself up for disappointment. And besides, I'm nobodies booty call.

Point 3-
Don't threaten me. I have nothing good to say about the phrases "hmm... I'll probably have to delete you from my phone now." "I'm done with you" "I give up." "I'll see ya around, just know that I tried."

And there is my personal favorite: "Well, since I'm giving up now, you should probably know that you're a freakin babe. And just a little tip for your future, maybe don't act so hard to get."
Followed 20 minutes later with: "Ehh you have nothing to say to that?"
Followed 2 hours later (in 4 separate messages) with:
"Wow usually hot guys know how to talk to a girl. Ok. See ya around then"
"Maybe Girly Guys play the hard to get game"
"True?"
"Thats according to my babe dude bud in California. I don't know. You're hard to understand. Anyways we are starting a movie if you wanna come"

Wait, are you serious. Did you seriously just call me a Girly Guy and then 5 minutes later invite me to come over the same night you told me you were giving up multiple times? WTF? Who's hard to understand? One of my top five biggest pet-peeves is being threatened and manipulated and being made to feel guilty. You might not be used to getting face value, but that's what you got with me. I never led you on. Its not like I made out with you and never called you back. I could have "hit-it and quit-it" but I didn't. I did my best to respond to all your texts and take all your calls. I didn't play any games with you. Even if I was super interested in you, I wouldn't jump into an exclusive relationship with you after two days of texting. Its not called "hard to get." Its called "maybe I want to know your name before we get engaged and also maybe find out if you're crazy." Its what normal people do outside of Provo. I get really frustrated dealing with girls around here cause they are used to boys that move super fast and are super aggressive, so much so that when a guy like me comes along, nobody knows what to do. Judas Moses, I don't know how to do it any different.

"I'd rather be a motherless son, than a worn out slut who's got no one." - RuRu

millhouse

2008-10-21T00:49:00.000-07:00

Did you ever have a day that everything just seemed to go your way? Sweet Maria, today was one of the best days of my life. I guess it kinda started last night. I didn't feel like hanging out so I just went home and made it to bed before 11pm. This was litterally the first time I have not gone out since I moved to Provo. It was weird, but waking up for work this morning fully rested was an intersting experience. I was chipper(almost). I think I even smiled. I never smile before lunch time!

So I made it into work and saw my BOY B-money aka Bronson aka my 17 year old roommate from Boston in the office. I helped him get a job there and today was his first day. Work went by way fast. I did a coupla deals. It was payday and I left a little early to make it to the bank. I decided to be a balla and cash by check into 20s and fold them in half and put a rubberband around it. Then I spent the rest of the day walking around with a gangsta roll in my pocket. It just feels so good to be a gangsta.

I hustled home because my new guitar was waiting for me. She was even more beautiful than I had hoped. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal to y'all but I was thrilled. I think I played her for like seven hours straight. Only breaking long enough to meet some friends for dinner at Maglebys. Shortly after we were seated and before we had time to order. One of the owners of a company I work for walked past our table. I called him by name, said "hello," and he came to our table for some small talk. Even offering me the hat on his head after a compliment. I was thoroughly impressed by his generosity and friendliness. After enjoying a great meal (three at our table had the filet mignon) the waitress presented our check. When we opened it we found a note that said "thanks for working for [name of company]." signed by the hat man and the waitress informed us that he had paid for our meal The bill was close to $200 Dollars before tip. What a guy. After dinner I went to see Butters and Mike and jam. It was amazing. Not only does my new guitar sound incredible but my new band is super good too. Look for the album in stores soon. Also I met a redhead -:) and invented a smiley with a Mohawk.

"it's neither drink nor drug induced, hey, I'm doin alright. Cause it's a great day to be alive." -travis tritt

Gripe

2008-10-14T23:41:00.000-07:00

A few things have been frustrating me today:
I really like my new job. Its sweet. I love the people I work with, I like the atmosphere. I'm challenged, yet am excelling, and I can come in whenever I want. Love it. The reason I even have a job right now, is because recently, this company has expanded drastically, making room for me and a bunch of other dudes. This rapid growth, however, has lead to an increasing strain on the facilities. Nothing like rolling five deep in a men's room with 1 John and 1 urinal. Freakin' sucks.

I woke up the last coupla mornings, absolutely freezing. Seriously. I was a Cheer-cicle. I am just not built for the cold. Even though I may encourage the frostbite by attending certain moonlight ski-lift rides... I would much rather remain toasty. However, in July, at night, I cannot sleep unless its 60 degrees in my bedroom. Ask my roommates from Boston. I'm an Eskimo at night in the summer, but during the winter I complain like crazy... Basically, I'm just impossible to please.

I cut my toe on the corner of my desk at work today. I was pissed. I wear my flip-flops for comfort and convenience and I receive little to no protection from the jagged-toe eating corners of death. I don't know why toes always seem to find the sharp objects, or why it hurts so bad to bump stuff with them. I seriously hate it when a decision that took 1/8 of a second to make ends up hurting you all day. I really think the universe needs a law about punishments fitting crimes that would prevent lingering damage from simple mistakes.

Also, I found the coolest website ever: Basically its a dude, selling a system that will help you manipulate your ex into taking you back. All my ex-girlfriends need to watch out, cause with my Jedi Mind Tricks, and this mans unique, proven, and tested $49.99 system, I will be unstoppable and most likely rule the world... bwahahaha!!

or not.

"When its cold outside, I am cold inside. And I think that will never change." - Ryan Holdaway

Resolution

2008-10-06T00:15:00.000-07:00

General Conference always makes me feel like such a skeeze. I happen to be LDS, and I also happen to have a very dominating sense of Duty. I don't remember actively choosing either of these things, I mean I was baptized at 8 and I went through with that mostly cause I felt like it was the right thing to do. And the right thing to do is pretty much what I'm talking about the dominating sense of duty. Honestly, I feel like I have a squadron of Jimminy Crickets permanently perched upon my shoulders, shouting with the power of a Motab Forte, and dousing me with a Gatorade Jug of Guilt as if I had just won the Super Bowl of Sin every time I go to meeting and get a laundry list of things I am not doing well enough. It's not that I'm not doing them, just not doing them well enough. And that is the hard part, isn't it? As an LDS person, I don't really believe in the "Saved by Grace" doctrine. I believe that God has a plan and requires my obedience to it. However, I also get hung up a little bit on the "easy way out" doctrine that I hear preached so often at sacrament meeting. I have a hard time swallowing the notion that the singular phrase "after all we can do" means that God will justify a little sin, and negates his redundant and repetitive requests for perfection and purity. Even his commission "If ye love me, keep my commandments" puts pressure on performance. It's much easier to 'not break' a commandment than it is to 'keep' one. I guess that's why I've been getting down on myself today. Have I "done it unto one of the least of these?" Do I spend enough time serving in the Temple? Am I following the ONE piece of counsel my Mission President gave me at the end of my 5 year mission, "by being anxiously engaged in becoming engaged?" That would be: No, No, and H-No. I suck. I pay tithing, but I don't really visit any sick or afflicted... I think I went to the temple once last month... And I think I have been on exactly 2.5 dates since I have been home from my mission. I guess I just haven't thrown down the proper volume of progression the last few months. I thought it would be easy to keep up with good habits. I thought it would be easy to stay away from bad friends. I thought it would be easy to keep in touch with those that keep me grounded. It's not.

Good News: I believe in repentance and from here on out, I promise not to suck. Or, at least, to try not to suck. After all I can do, right?

"Wrong or Resolute, I'm in the mood to obey" -Jack Johnson

B Week

2008-09-23T00:46:00.000-07:00

So Um... pretty fantastic week. For those of you that live under rocks, or are not my facebook friends, it was my birthday yesterday, but I am MUCH to big of a deal to only celebrate the anniversary of my entry into this world for one day, so I had a B-weeklong party. Bangerang. Here is a day-by-day breakdown of the festivities:

Wendsday:
Dinner with the Fam (cause it was Madre's B-week too)
Bachelor Party with the NOM boys cause Pistol Pete is throwin' in the Single Towel.
After-Party at Abbie's shooting breeze's and sharing some Jay Nash.

Thursday:
Grubbin' with Dash and Stam
Basketball with Pearson

Friday:
Joshua James show with Dash, Abbie, Katie and Emily. Amazing.
Afterparty

Saturday:
Brunch with my bestie from Boston
Football Game
Nap
Enchilada's and Joshua James in Park City

Sunday:
Speaking with a High Councilor
Uber-nap
Disney Movies with my Princesses'
Din Din with the Fam
Cake at Bobbi's
More Cake at Abbie's

Monday:
Work
Nap
BBQ/MNF with the cousins and half the neighborhood.
After Party

Pretty Busy week, right? I know. I had a pretty amazing time. Included are photo's of Joshua James and my cakes.

"Too much fun? Whats that mean. Its like too much money, there is no such thing. Like a girl too pretty, with too much class. Being too lucky, a car too fast. No matter what they say I've done. I ain't never had too much fun." - Darrell Singletary

Poetry

2008-09-19T00:05:00.000-07:00

So for some time now, a few fans have been asking me to throw down some poetry on this guy, and I have put them off, mostly cause I get a little embarrassed and self conscious about it. However, I decided to publish the lyrics to a couple of my favorite songs right now, and even my one (most serious) attempt at straight up poetry. You may have seen it before...

It's About Time I Wrote a Song About the Rain
I'm lying on my back, staring at the clock, thinking about what is real
Lookin' out the window the cars passing by, remind me just how long it takes a broken heart to heal.
But when it finally does I can forget about the pain, but I still sit out on my porch and sing a song about the rain.

When the storm clears, I can see a rainbow, but it fades so fast I wonder was it ever really there.
Does it really matter, do I even care, whether or not that rainbow was ever really there?

Its hard to tell the difference between an idea and a dream
Faith is knowing there is an Ocean when all you see is a stream
In High Tide, or in Low Tide, a friend stays by your side
But the truest friend I ever had is the one who would run and hide
I remember now, a silhouette of a girl I thought I knew
She taught me the difference between what would be nice and what was true
I don't know where to find her now, no one else loves me the same,
That's why I sit out on my porch and sing a song about the rain.

You Commandeered the Vessel that is my Heart
Pirates aren't friendly, they take things without asking
They Buckle your swash and make you avast
They call you a bilge rat or blimy dog
They slit your throat while running you through (because they love multi-tasking)

Pirate men are strangely sensitive, they are a fiercely loyal lot
The life of a Pirate is short and lonely
Scud Running from port to port
Wasting his booty on hookers and grog, ignoring what Mommy taught

But a Pirate man once fell in love, its hard to believe but true
His Bonnie Lass was one of a kind
A rare beauty, like a New Corsair
Tall and Thin, with Eyes as deep as the Ocean Blue

"I am a Pirate King, and I must play my part
Swash Buckling and Sailing and Shanghai-ing things.
Its poor form for a man like me to fall for a woman like you,
But you Commandeered the Vessel that is my Heart!”

Hourglass
All I do, is stand up for the only thing I ever knew
I could not do, all that you would ask of me though I wanted to
Hear I am, Lonely for a moment but a better man
Than the one who knew you and who made a stand
It's out of my hands.
Why must You, make this any harder than it has to be
You must learn, the difference between "me" and "we" and then discern
Your place in my life is just a memory
Don't be sad. We broke each others hearts lets just leave it at that
Time flies fast, but there's no sense in reliving the past
That's like putting extra sand into an hourglass
It would not last
Fare thee well
This hurts me so much more than you could ever tell
Remember me
Oh I miss you more than Tennessee
But I know this is where I need to be
Remember me

"One good thing about Music is when it hits, you feel no Pain" - Robert Nesta Marley

beef

2008-09-17T14:15:00.000-07:00

I hate dating cause it's awkward and I am scared of girls cause they are mean.
That is all

Epic

2008-09-07T00:44:00.001-07:00

I'm in a very good place right now. I just got back from the Band of Annuals/Devil Whale show at Velour, but how I got there was quite an adventure. You see, for the last month or so, I had been planning on going to Seattle this weekend to attend the BYU/Washington game, however, at the last minute, it became clear that wasn't such a fantastic idea, so I decided not to go. Not more than an hour after I passed on Seattle, a friend of mine called and invited me to go to the Las Vegas for the weekend. I initially accepted, but immediately had second thoughts, and was actually pretty happy to take a rain check. So 'C' plan this weekend turned out to be Camping up Silver Lake with the Dash and Co... Good decision number one. I have spent the last three years, in 7 different states, and I kinda had this image built up in my head that I was a beach guy... and I kinda forgot how much I love the mountains. The ocean has its place in my heart, and always will, but I was born on a mountaintop in Tennessee and I grew up in the Utah County Happy Valley. Being up at Silver reminded me of few things; That drawing your own constellations can involve more than 5 stars and designs not already taken and named. That the air is meant to cool off at night. That mountains are a holy place and bring us closer to God.
Last night we built a fire and I broke out Smokey the Bandit. Sitting around that fire with those friends was fantastic. I haven't seen Wilson for three years, but we picked up like neither of us went anywhere, even though I could see so much change in him. Its weird to watch your friends grow up. I learned that my already-a-little-too-breathy singing voice is even breathier and bluesier while inhaling smoke from burning aspen logs. I had forgotten how amazing Smokey sounds while amplified by her own echo from the canyon. I love mountain mornings. I know that sounds pretty funny, and the better you know me, the better you know that I am much more likely to be found staying up until dawn than I am to be found getting up at dawn, but that's what makes mountain mornings so magical to me. I woke up just in time to watch the sun hop over Timpanogus. It was beautiful, and serene, and peaceful, and I felt all of those things. And then I rolled over and went back to sleep for a while...

So I spent the rest of the day anxiously engaged in having a good time. I to a Mission Reunion BBQ some of the Sisters threw. It was really cool to see some old friends. A little later I got to head down to Velour and rock out with two of my favorite Bands. Annuals was amazing, even though they didn't have a drummer (I think he got shot or something), but the real thrill was Devil Whale. These guys have been one of my staples for a few years now, but since the last time I saw them (18 months ago) they have switched out 2 band members and changed names, and, as it turns out, written some amazing new songs. It was great. I've said it before, but I really love music. I love the way I feel at shows. I love singing along with Brinton Jones. I'm in a very good place right now.

"Do you like to see a mountain stream flowing? Do you like to see a youngin' with his dog? Do you ever stop to think about the air your breathin'? Well you better listen to my Song. No, I can't make any changes. All I can do is write them in a song. But I can see the concrete, slowly creeping. Lord, take me and mine before that comes." - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Cereal

2008-09-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

I seriously love cereal. Like a lot. My favorite (other than the obvious namesake) is Cinnamon Life. I have no idea what its made out of, but its delicious, and the long columns of long numbers on the nutrition facts label leads me to believe that it may even be good for me... Who knows. Point is, it makes me feel good... at least for a while. I usually like to base most of my decisions on what makes me feel good, but I am slowly learning that may not always be whats best for me in the long run. I know, what a mature thought, and especially from me, the most impulsive person in North America. A wise man I know always says: "Never giver up what you want most, for what you want now." For me, its not usually a problem with little pleasures getting in the way of long term goals. What I'm talking about here is my habit of continually putting myself into situations that are fun for a while, but ultimately lead to me getting hurt in some way. Its like I'm addicted to being punished. See, its like this, I have a pretty diverse circle of friends, and I love it. There are a lot of people around me that I know would never cross me in any way, and who go out of their way to treat me like a champ. I love you guys. But I also have a couple relationships right now that are really polar. Sometimes I hang out with the B-group, and everything is grand, we have a good time, and everyone is happy. Other times, drama flows free, and I'm either getting put down, called out, or kicked around. In other cases, I end every activity by wondering what is going on. It sucks. I mean, I understand that "every rose has its thorn" and what not. But I don't feel like I should constantly have to stress out about stuff like that just to be friends with someone. Not worth it. Oh, and the worst part, I pretty consistently blow off A-Groupers for B-Groupers cause I feel like those relationships are more fragile. I've been talking about this for a while, but I really need to man up and spend more time with my good, supportive, friends. I'm really trying not to be the person I was in High School, but its hard to leave that behind. I guess this is growing up.

"Maybe I'll see you at a movie sneak preview. You'll show up and walk by on the arm of that guy. I'll smile and You'll wave, we'll pretend its ok. The Charade, it won't last. When He's gone, I won't come back." - Blink 182

Summer Ashes

2008-08-31T15:43:00.000-07:00

A year ago, (minus 3 weeks) I went to a friends house to help him do some work... and I ended up sitting in his yard, staring at Bald Eagle Creek, and watching a bunch of Red, Yellow and Orange leaves float down the river. It was beautiful. I wrote a song called "Summer Ashes" that night. I guess its kind of about, how by the end of summer, you can hardly remember what your neighborhood, or city looks like without leaves on the trees... and for me, watching them fall takes me back to the spring when they are first coming out. So for me, the Flaming Foliage Festival (in Renovo, PA) will always be about the Ashes of Summer.

For me, the First of September is a better holiday than the 25th of December because it means the kickoff of football season. Friday night I went to my old Alma Mater to watch Orem High dominate Snow Canyon. There had been some considerable hype surrounding a certain running back on the Snow Canyon team, because I guess he had committed to BYU and what not. So we went to check him out. Saturday I woke up, watched College Gameday on ESPN and then vegged out for a while enjoying a couple of games before heading down to Provo to watch the Coug's. I seriously love college football. In fact. I'm gonna resurrect an old Junior High, and Late Show tradition by throwing down a Top Ten List.

Top Ten Things I Love About College Football:
10- Fight Songs
9- Lee Corso
8- Rivalries
7- The Option
6- Jim Tressel's Sweater Vest
5- People with no shirts and Letters Painted on their Bellies
4- Upsets
3- When the Tuba Player at Ohio State gets to strut out and Dot the "i"
2- Tailgating

and my favorite thing about College Football

1- Dressing up in all Orange to watch my Vols

"Wish that I was on Old Rocky Top, down in the Tennessee Hills. Ain't no Smoggy Smoke on Rocky Top. Ain't no telephone bills. Once I had a girl on Rocky Top. Half bear, the other half cat. Wild as a mink but sweet as soda pop. I still dream about that. Rocky Top, you will always be, home sweet home to me. Good Ol' Rocky Top. Rocky Top, Tennessee."

Happiness

2008-08-25T18:27:00.001-07:00

So I have a friend, that ends her blog with a list of things that make her happy. I love it. I've been in a pretty fantastic mood lately, and I think I'm gonna list some things that are helping out:

-Moonlight Serenades by Jack Johnson
-Being on a first name basis with the guy at 7/11 so he always hooks you up with your Pina Colada Slurpee's
-Olympic Badminton
-Being outside on a day where you couldn't imagine being locked up inside
-Canyon Breeze's created by a longboard coasting down a bikepath.
-Making Faces at little kids in church and trying not to laugh when they get in trouble for making faces back at you
-Sunroofs
-Wiffle Ball
-Ernie
-Backyard Bonfire's with a wall, a posse, and some crickets singing backup
-Learning new songs
-Finding new Favorite Singers
-Old friends coming back into town
-Being the Old friend coming back into town
-Practical Jokes that are really just good surprises
-New Digs
-New Shoes
-Apple Headphones that can go through the wash in the pocket of my britches and still work.
-Kickin' sack
-Running down a frisbee
-Watching Disney Movies with my four princesses
-Test Drives
-Guitar Center
-Making a list, and getting some of it done
-Sunday Dinner
-Kickin' it with Grandpa
-Dry Heat
-Being Home (for now at least)

"It takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what love is. It takes some fears to make you trust, it takes some tears to make it rust, it takes the dust to have it polished. Ah la la la la la la Life is Wonderful" -Jason Mraz

Talking Wall

2008-08-18T00:11:00.000-07:00

Many of you know how much I love the wall behind my house. A few of you have might have even been there with me. Maybe even recently, because I have spent several hours each of the last two nights, perched on the wall singing to and with a coupla very special people. I seriously loved Boston, and I love the friends I made there, but for me, there is nothing like being around people who have known me long enough to be able to look into my eyes and read my mind. Or who can share stories I have heard or told 25 times and laugh just as hard as the first time I watched "Anchorman." Something about the familiarity of old friends makes me feel secure. I feel kind of like a Nomad right now because I just realized that over the last three years, I have lived in 6 different states. Crazy, I know. The adventures have been fantastic, and I love the experience of traveling but my heart has been longing for the talking wall. I can sit out there for hours, with company, or alone, watching the sun rise and fall. My favorite time of day to be out there is the time right after the sun hides behind Lake Mountain, and the crickets start to chirp, and the valley lights turn on, and the moon comes out. A lot of times, talking wall adventures include a guitar, but not always. Sometimes I just sit and watch the valley. I love it.

One of the best feelings I get on the talking wall is peace. Utah County really is a quiet place. I mean, I can see the whole thing from my yard; the lake, both temples, and I-15. Whenever I need to have a deep conversation, or get or give advice, or even just relax, the talking wall provides an excellent venue. One of the things I am just learning about my beloved wall, is how it can help heal relationships. Represented in all of my talking wall groups this week, were persons or people who recently had some semi-serious beef with each other, or were just coming out of an episode of silent treatment. But the mosquito's that were hanging out would not have noticed any contention and neither did I. Thanks friends for being friends, again.

"I've been runnin' from the cold, up in New England. I was born to be a fiddler in an old time string band. My baby plays the guitar, I pick a banjo now." -The Old Crow Medicine Show

Boomerang

2008-08-16T23:07:00.000-07:00

I really thought that my decision to head to Boston happened pretty fast... but my decision to leave, was even faster. Pretty much I bought a ticket Tuesday night, and Thursday I was on a plane headed home. I didn't really tell anyone I was leaving early because I had planned on using the experience as an elaborate practical joke. I called Trent and asked him to pick me up from the airport, and I told my roommates in boston, and I told my boss. But that was it. Trent collected me from the airport, and as we were driving up the hill towards my house he called my family on the phone. This is a short recap of the conversation:

Trent: Hey... Do you guys know when Ryan is gonna be home?
Haley: Ya, not till like, labor day weekend I think.
Trent: Shoot, I have a package for him that i have to drop off. Are you there by yourself or is everyone home?
Haley: No, everyone is here, but my parents are leaving in a minute.
Trent: Ok, well I'm gonna swing by real quick and drop it off.

So we arrived, Trent went up to the door and rounded up the family, and I took my bags out of the trunk, and just kind of strutted up casually. Everyone freaked out. It was awesome.

The night before I came home, I had called up The Dash, and asked him to pick up a package from my house around 6:30 or 7:00 PM and deliver it to Provo. He panicked a little assuming that I was having him deliver drugs or something... and was very, very skeptical of the whole deal. Well, when He showed up, my Mom led him to the living room, where she said the package was located, and where I happened to be sitting on the couch. He was pretty excited to see me for only the second time in three years. (The other is the already blogged about story of me visiting him on his mission) So after Dash came over, we went down to Provo for a little bit and ended up hangin out with some people at an apartment complex that also houses Abbie Martin. I wasn't gonna waste an opportunity for another surprise, so I walked over to her apartment while talking to her on the phone, knocked the door, and had a roommate fetch her. She asked permission to call me back, and then walked out to the porch and found me standing there.

The ticket home only cost a coupla hundred. The planning cost me a little sleep. But the reactions were priceless.

So thats the historical update for the last few days. I'm really glad to be home. Boston was a great experience. I grew a lot out there. Made many memories, and found a few friends. I learned a lot about myself, my capabilities, and my priorities and I can honestly say that I came back a better person. Good times were had by all.

"I hear her voice, in the mornin' hours she calls me. The radio reminds me of my home far away. Drivin' down the road, I get the feelin' that I should have been home Yesterday." -John Denver

dream weaver

2008-08-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

I had a very strange dream last night. I'm not going to pretend that it was the strangest dream I have ever had, and I'm also not going to explain it in detail (mostly because I have already typed it into my phone this morning and it took me like half an hour) but some of the highlights include multiple narcoleptic seventeen year olds and an attack by a gothic redhead. Fierce, I know. But the reason this has been on my mind is that dreams have always fascinated me. Even more so lately because the crap I have been coming up with is just bizzare. I have always felt like a pretty creative person; I love go sing and play guitar and write, And I am a fantastic liar, but most of what I come up with is at least a little bit reasonable. That's what bothers me so much about my dreams, it's the fact that I know that whatever I'm seeing has somehow someway come from me. It's not someone else's twisted subconcious that is making me roundhouse kick those nuns. That's coming from me, and I can't turn it off.

Dreams is also a word that you apply to goals and ambitions and things you want to accomplish. Sad part about this category is that a lot of people allow fear to shake them from chasing dreams. I know I do. I think that one of the things I am most afraid of is trying something hard or new, putting forth my best effort and failing. Falling short and realIzing that I'm not good enough. The situation I come from is a tough one as far as social pressure goes. I have a lot of friends and family that happen to be beautiful, talented, smart, and succcesful. A lot of times I feel like I'm expected to be the same or better when really all I want is to be different.

"You know a dream is like a river. Ever changing as it flows. And a dreamer is just a vessel that must follow where it goes."

Copycat

2008-07-31T19:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, Breakfast Club, its time to give back. As you all know, I get up on here every few days, and pour out a little heart and soul based philosophy for your enjoyment and education, and I really ask nothing in return, other than your continued patronage. That said, you all know me well enough to know what a narcissist I am, and how much I LOVE it when people comment on this thing.

So I saw this game on a friends blog, and I typically NEVER do things like this, and I usually make fun of those that do, but it fits in with a few prevailing themes I like to write about, like memories, histories, and all things nostalgic.

So here's the deal: Post up a comment with a memory that involves me. It doesn't have to be your favorite memory (cause those might be a little steamy ;) but just something to make me smile, and remember so good times we had together. If you participate, I'll reciprocate and comment up on your blog too.

Happy Rememorizing!

Zack Morris

2008-07-27T23:20:00.000-07:00

I am super self-conscious. If something I do makes everyone around me laugh, I am just gonna go ahead and assume its wrong, and it will really bother me every time people point it out. Doesn't matter the situation, I will be bugged. Apparently, I have a very distinct walk... some have even began calling it a "glide" because it's silent like ninja death, it appears totally effortless, and my head doesn't move at all. Todd, Tom, Jason, and the other guys, have all started pointing out "the glide" wherever we go. We will be strutting around in a group and all of a sudden I will notice a cessation of conversation, and I will be ten steps in front of everyone else. When I turn around they will all start laughing and talk to each other about the glide. Seriously, it freaks me out that people wanna watch me walk.

Also, I have been watching a lot of Saved by the Bell recently. What a great show. I didn't realize this growing up, but it really parallels real life fairly accurately. The character development is scary-good. Within the group; Zack, Slater, Screech, Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa, are just about every type and category of relationship. You have the guy in love (more like infatuation) with the girl he can never have (Screech and Lisa). You have the perpetual, fight like cats and dogs, on again off again, total opposites attracting mess (Slater and Jesse). You have the Guy falling for the girl next door but it not working out cause it never does (Zack and Jesse). You have the best friends making a run at a relationship even though they know its not right (Zack and Lisa). You have the Jock+Cheerleader=Dumb babies (Slater and Kelly). But I think that the most poignant relationship throughout the show is the dichotomy between Zack and Kelly. Every single guy I know used to be a boy who wanted to be Zack Morris. The kid had it all, he was charming, outgoing, nice looking, and, he had a cell phone when the only people with cell phones were government spies, and Zack Morris. I mean, his very name is on urbandictionary with a definition of "Pimp." Zack could have any girl at Bayside, but he was only ever happy with Kelly. He would walk in The Max with a blonde on each elbow, but as soon as he saw Kelly, he would forget about the blonde's and resume chasing the cheerleader. I think that every Zack Morris has a Kelly Kapowski, and even though it doesn't seem right at the time, we all grew up knowing that they would end up together.

"You're a faded autograph, a shadow of your past. You're a burnt out movie star. You could always pass, any polygraph, cause your love is just like math: all logic, no heart. Give me one more chance. Give me one more chance. Give me one more chance, to break your heart." -Brinton Jones

Swan Songs

2008-07-20T00:19:00.001-07:00

So Thursday night the boys and I, rolling no less than fifty deep, decided to hit up the midnight premier of Dark Night. It was pretty impressive. Obviously, Heath Ledger stole the show, giving one of the most amazing performances I have ever seen on screen. Seriously, he was creepy and haunting and hilarious and everything The Joker should be. Fantastic. I wasn't really thrilled with the way the media has been hyping this whole situation up, because I'm not really down with taking advantage of a guys death to get publicity for your movie... but he nailed his role, and thats how we will remember him. Way to go out with a bang Heath. May you rest in peace.

There is a street here in Boston, called Memorial Drive. I like to call it Memory Lane. It runs parallel to the Charles river downtown, and leads to a few of my favorite places. Its across the river from the skyline, so as we drive down it, headed into the city, we have a really great view. I love it. As I was driving down Memorial Drive today, listening to some Rocky Votalato, I took a little trip down memory lane. It seems I have had many defining moments riding around in cars with some friends.
I remember me, Zoo, and Wildman tearing through the California desert singing "Paint Me a Birmingham" at the top of our lungs... about fifteen times in a row.
I remember digging in the Green Dragon with Brine, jumping a log, and laughing as his shoulder slammed the roof as we landed.
I remember the drive-in with Bette when your battery ran out and we had to have the popcorn guy jump us cause we fell asleep.
I remember sleeping the back of MB's suburban with Jaques, Dash, and Weed at Moon lake before a fishing trip, and unveiling the "Hey Baby I Love You, Song" for the first time in public.
I remember A-Dog and Herbal-T cornering me in the LPAD and pretty much altering the course of Holdy-History with one of the severest call-outs of all time. And me not even feeling bad about it.
I remember that same Herbal-T driving me home a few years later, on Dec. 3rd, 2006 and giving all the support, encouragement and love I needed (but didn't deserve) backing up one of the most important decisions of my life.
I remember sharing a Jamba Juice with Abby Martin and talking for about 5 hours in her driveway, and having a perception and perspective change... and then three months later breaking the worst-good news I could have, to her, in the very same spot.

Bottom Line: I don't associate people with what they were doing the last time I saw them. Your identifying and defining memories can come at any moment. Be prepared to make them. A swan may sing only once, but my cockatiel never shuts up. Those are the kind of friends I love. The ones who are ready to throw down a memory, or a bad decision, anytime.

"If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?" -Freebird

Serenity

2008-07-09T22:51:00.000-07:00

"City lights, Shining Bright. Illuminating summer nights"

Boston is fantastic. I am so glad I came here. I spent the night of July 4 sitting on a dock on the Charles River, dangling my feet in the water, while watching the most incredible Fireworks display I have ever seen. 35 minutes of lit up sky, above an already beautiful and twinkly city skyline with music provided by the Boston Pops and Rascal Flats. Breathtaking. I stole the Photograph from one of my Flip Flop friends, (to see more pictures, click on the name Katasha) I hope she doesn't mind. After the fireworks show, a medium to large group of us remained on the pier, playing some guitar and enjoying a beautiful summer evening. I guess I got a little carried away as I was belting out some Love Songs, because I kind of ignored the cop who came down to tell us to shut up and leave the pier. Typically this kind of event would kill a night... but actually we were just getting started. We hopped on the T heading home, and Jason decided it would be a good location for a dance party. We had a couple cell phone DJ's spinning a little Chris Brown and a well dressed BYU Student freak dancing strangers on a train. Good times. Our night ended with a slumber party at the 2nd oldest home in Wellesely, MA, built in 1743. It was nice to throw in a little History with our Patriotism.

Many of my friends are familiar with a place I call "The Talking Wall." The retaining wall in the Backyard of my Parents house that looks out over Utah Valley where I would frequently sit and talk on the phone or play guitar. Especially on summer nights with good friends. Until last night, this was my favorite place in the world to go sing to the moon, or wish on a shooting star. I love the serenity that sometimes comes in the most unexpected geographical locations. The talking wall was always one of those places for me. Another was Con-Agra Park in downtown Omaha; A beautiful park with a pond and stream near the Missouri river. It is a place that always has many people but never feels crowded. Last night, I found a corner of serenity on a rooftop near Beacon Hill in one of the busiest neighborhoods in all of Boston. When I was invited over, I began to get very excited, and visions of "Chim-Chim-Cherie" played in my memory. I of course brought my guitar with me (you know I never leave home without it) and I was able to spend the better part of the early morning hours singing love songs while looking out across the River, the Harbor, and the City. It was the single most peaceful feeling I have ever had (outside of church and religious type functions). Something I will never forget.

"Still a little bit of your Song. In my ear. Still a little bit of your words, I long to hear." - Damien Rice

Walden

2008-07-02T22:23:00.000-07:00

I have had two of the greatest adventures of my life recently, and they simply must be blogged about.

This is Walden Pond. Poets and Philosophers have been seeking inspiration here since Henry David Thoreau spent two years, two months, and two days in seclusion near its shore. I visited the pond for the first time last night. We arrived at the area a little after midnight, and had to park about half a mile away because the Cities of Lexington and Concord frown upon trespassing. So my little group of bandits; six consenting adults and a minor, ninja'd our way through the woods, under a veil of darkness, with only the moon to guide us. Upon arriving at the edge of the woods, and beginning of a small beach, I caught my first glance of Walden Pond. It looked like a Bob Ross painting. Stars were twinkling and reflecting on the silk-smooth water. Happy trees danced to the songs being sung by a Chorus of Bullfrogs and Grasshoppers. We saw, pixies, fairies, and hairy people. As I slipped into the warmer-than-expected water and began to soak into the beauty of the place, I had an epiphanic moment where I suddenly knew that I would live forever. My roommate, Jason, suggested that we have a moment of silence in the water, to more fully absorb the serenity of the scene. Leaning back in the water, and looking around at the ripples flowing from our little group was incredible. It was Majesty in the purest form I have ever found.

The Second story is a completely different type of adventure. Mike and I were in Springfield, MA on a Saturday afternoon. Our ride back to Boston wasn't going to be able to parlay us across the 80 miles of Mass Pike separating us from home until about 11:30 PM. The bus wanted to charge us 25 bones each, and couldn't deliver arrival until 9 PM. I was motivated to get home, because I had engagements I was not willing to miss, so Mike and I decided to thumb it out the old fashioned way. Following frequent advice of my mother and most of her family, (something she always says is to 'go out to the big road' when seeking a ride. never made sense until that afternoon) we first thumbed down a ride to the Mass Pike on-ramp/toll station. We then crafted signs and began flagging people down. After 45 minutes of failure and a companionship prayer, a charcoal Prius driven by a very small and friendly Cambodian man pulled over and let us in. I could not believe it was happening. Yuri was a Buddhist, but knew a lot about Christianity, particularly the Mormon variety, and Mike and I had a fantastic two hour conversation with him about God, and Morality and Philosophy and the Plan of Salvation. He gave us a ride to our front door, even though it was 20 miles out of his way. What a guy.

"Thoreau had said, 'How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live.' And during this time I began to wonder, was I truly living?"

Bad Decisions

2008-06-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

I think that my favorite feeling is the world comes while being outside, in the dark, with shorts and flip flops, looking at the moon and thinking to myself "Dang, its warm for 2 AM." Summer nights are what I live for. Saturday was a great one. Todd Uchtdorf has a phrase I love to steal about how "2008 is the year of Bad Decisions" so when I had the opportunity to spend an evening with the fella's and Boston, and make some of those Bad Decisions, I couldn't resist. It turned into a good decision, and would be the only one made all night.

Sunday turned out to be pretty fantastic too. I spent a little time around a Piano with a coupla friends belting out some Hymns. I seriously love to sing. I often used to joke about how playing guitar released some kind of chemical inside my brain that made me feel good, but I seriously believe it. A few people I work with have started kind of an inside joke amongst themselves that evolved into a game or competition of sorts where they would begin singing a song and see if I would finish it. I guess they have been playing this game for a few weeks, but i just barely found out about it. Pretty much I have been a puppet responding with a loud "Wha-oh-o-oh-uh-o" every time I heard a "Are you listening?" And guess what? I'm not even bothered by it.

"I said now fella's... whats cooler than being cool?"

Meding Bridges

2008-06-20T23:05:00.001-07:00

I had a pretty neat experience today while at a service station with Mike. The Middle-Eastern clerk talked me into the new Strawberry Lemonade flavor Powerade (which is fantastic by the way). Mike chose a Kiwi-Strawberry Vitamin Water. When we went to pay, the clerk said "These are together, right?" while nodding his head, and he totally talked me into buying a drink for Mike. When we walked outside and began to enjoy the Beverages, Mike removed the label from his drink to reveal a prize: Free 32 oz. Vitamin Water. He gave me the label, so that I could redeem the prize, and get the free drink that I had just paid for. As we were walking away, I though about how the fates had lined up to provide a situation for me to make an investment into that relationship bank account, that really didn't even cost me anything. Mike, when he gave me the label, also was able to make an investment, that didn't cost him anything either, so that at the end of the experience, currency and goods had been exchanged, but neither of us were better or worse off than when we had started, except we had been drawn closer together by a Free Drink.

I saw some fireflies today. I freakin love fireflies, they make me feel 6 years old. There is just something so exciting about chasing around little creatures that twinkle in the twilight, capturing them in a mason jar, and showing them off. Its refreshing.

Its been an interesting week this far... I guess you might say I had a couple blasts from the past. A few of my many readers might be familiar with a particularly rocky relationship that I had with a former priesthood leader we will call "Kramer." No other person has ever cause more heartache for me and my family than this man. I don't think particular details are appropriate for such a public post, but suffice to say that it was a big deal, that has taken me a year to get over. Probably one of the most frustrating parts of the whole situation was Kramer's utter refusal to admit his own fault or fallibility. That is until this week, when he wrote and mailed me a letter of apology, making a serious effort to be the bigger man and bury the hatchet. I was pretty shocked to hear from him. But not quite as shocked as I was yesterday to talk to an old friend we'll call "Abby Martin." This girl threw me for a loop recently and I hadn't spoken to her for a few months when out of the blue she hit me up, making a serious effort to be the bigger man and bury the hatchet. At first I was a little upset at both of them to think that they could just walk right into my life and expect loving arms and frank forgiveness, because I knew that they had put the ball into my court and that if I responded negatively all of a sudden I became the jerk. But those feelings didn't last too long, and now I am just really glad to close the Book on the Kramer Kronikles, and am very happy to have Abby Martin back as a friend. It seems June is a great time to Mend Bridges.

"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose." - Janis Joplin

Fenway

2008-06-08T22:23:00.001-07:00

Chipper Jones named his child Fenway, after the baseball stadium on Fenway street in downtown Boston. I went to the magical park, and quickly understood why Chipper fancied the name. Seriously, it was breathtaking. As I walked through the tunnel and caught my first glance of the field, I was mystified. The greenest grass I had ever seen, was being trodden by men appearing, even at that distance, to be larger than life. I saw little boys with their fathers and ball gloves wearing hats it will take them several years to grow into, point, and laugh, and watch every move of the hero's below. I witnessed acts of pure Christian charity as old men caught foul balls, only to toss them to nearby youngsters. I cannot adequately describe the tingly feeling I had singing "Sweet Caroline" with a coupla drunk, Irish toughs, sitting behind you getting choked up singing along with Neil Diamond. It was one of the greatest nights of my life.

"And now I, I look at the night, And it don't seem so lonely, We fill it up with only two, oh And when I hurt Hurting runs off my shoulder, How can I hurt when holding you" - Neil Diamond

Anchored

2008-05-23T20:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I spent more time than I would have liked too stuck in a car with Mike, driving around Boston. I probably would have gone crazy if it wasn't for 92.9, the greatest radio station of all time. We heard the White Stripes, Bob Marley, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, and Dave Matthews back to back to back to back. Seriously that radio station is one of my favorite things about Boston.

"I saw the Ocean today." I said that last night, and someone said I should write I song about it. I think I am gonna. I haven't written in a while. I thought I would have more time here to write and play guitar and stuff, but I really don't. I spend more time playing socially than I do by myself, which is really uncommon for me. But I guess its good that I get to jam a few times a week out here. I have met up with some really talented people, its been a lot of fun to get humbled by those Berkley kids. Some mad skill in Boston.

I saw some guys, I'm sure they were from Harvard, out on the Charles River doing some crew-rowing. It looked so fun, but I think I would want to be the guy in the front shouting at the others. They had the little row-boat going pretty fast. I was impressed. It made me want to go sailing. I seriously wish I could be a Pirate. I say that a lot, but I really mean it. The life at sea is appealing to me. I think I might get a job on cruise ship.

"If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?"

Renewal

2008-05-18T21:44:00.000-07:00

Last night at 3AM I was lying in bed, reading my scriptures and listening to Bob Dylan, and my phone rang... I got out of bed, slipped on my Road Trip Flip Flops, and drove to New Hampshire. We stopped at the Welcome to New Hampshire sign for a photo-op and potty break =) and ended up in Manchester. At about 5 we checked into a pretty Ghetto Econolodge and caught about 4 hours of sleep. We got up, and headed out to the Manchester ward, because I wanted to visit a friend of mine who is serving his mission up there... but when we got to the chapel, it was abandoned due to a stake conference. I was pretty disappointed but you know that I refuse to give up, once I have set my mind to breaking the rules... so we called a coupla Elders... told a coupla fibs... and set up a meeting in a park for the Elders I was seeking and my RM roommate. When the missionaries showed up to meet what they thought was a person wanting to learn about the church, I ended up sneaking up from behind and hugging a very surprised missionary. I was pretty stoked to see a friend that I hadn't seen for almost 3 years now. I only had a few minutes to share with him, because I had to drive back to Boston in time to make it to church... but it was a fantastic adventure.

The drive home from New Hampshire was incredible. Autumn in New England is a pretty talked up season... but Spring here is incredible. We were driving down a green tunnel. I love spring. When I see the gray turn to green I think about potential, renewal, growth, and repentance. I look at my life, and where I was last spring compared to where I am now and really, its hard to imagine or remember how different I am. It's been a pretty tough year... but I am more pleased with the Man I am now, than the one I was a year ago, and to be honest, I really wouldn't change much about the last year. All of my spring words have been involved to some degree, and I really think thats what I can expect for this spring and summer and fall and all seasons thereafter. Progression. Kilo said something cool today "There are two burdens we carry in life. One is damning, and the other is purifying." Its sometimes hard to tell the difference.

Oh and Lisa is rad. I don't care what the cheerleader parents say about her!

"Maybe it's just the dream in me. Maybe its just my style. Maybe its just the freedom that I've found. Given the possibility, of living up to the dream in me, you know that I'll be reaching for higher ground." - John Denver

Superpowers

2008-05-09T22:44:00.000-07:00

So I was having a pretty interesting conversation with a guy named Jason yesterday. I am not gonna repeat the comment that prompted this remark from him, but basically he looked at me and said that there was something about me that made it impossible for me to offend people. I told him that it was a pretty convenient superpower, because my brain lacks a filter for removing potentially offensive material from my speech, and if I didn't have my powers, I would be getting beat up constantly. Ever since I have been thinking about superpowers.

The other night I was sitting on a pier on the Charles river playing guitar with people I did not know a month ago, but who seem like friends I have known for years. This is one of my superpowers: its always been really easy for me to make friends. One of my favorite things in life is to join up with a group of people I don't know, and get to know them. I don't know if it is shallow of me to say that I occasionally meet people I feel like I have known all my life, but I am sure most of us have had that experience. I sometimes joke about making snap judgments about people and sticking to it (the reason I joke about that is to distract from the fact that I do it) but I find that most of the times my snap judgments are positive and I like most people I meet right from the start. Thats good, right?

A couple years ago I started to kick it with a kid we called Jaques. The guy was/is crazy. The man refused to be intimidated by anything. Hanging around him helped me a lot to break out of the very thin shell that was holding me back. I think I can safely say that today, I literally have no fear. Thats a superpower. I know people who let fear hold them back in big ways. Fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of embarrassment. Think of all you could accomplish without these...

One superpower I don't have, is being able to see the future. I recently returned from a ten year mission... kind of... and it taught me a lot about focusing on goals, working for them, and planning and all that kind of stuff, but I have a really extreme personality and am prone to taking things way too far, and I guess I kind of did that when I got home. I realized that sometimes you just need to slow down and let things simmer, you know? Take it all in. I remember on my mission, being really frustrated and wishing there was some way I could sift through the people in my Area and find those who would accept the Gospel, but looking back on that, I am so glad that I didn't find an easy button. I think of all the great experiences I had and all the people I met that I would have skipped right over and I am very grateful and even a little humbled by it. Its the same thing with life. I am so glad I didn't and don't know how things are gonna work out, because there would be no adventure... and where is the fun in that?

"And now, I'm glad I didn't know. The way things all would end. The way things all would go. Our lives, are better left to chance. I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss... the Dance." - Garth Brooks

Energy

2008-04-29T20:15:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot today about the power of positive energy. I am convinced that certain nouns (people, places, and things) possess some kind of intrinsic property that uplifts others. I don't know whether to call it karma, chi, or mojo, but I can just feel it sometimes. It's great. Today I met a man named Paul. I talked to him for about 15 minutes. We didn't exchange any currency, goods, or services; we just talked a little bit. I walked away from him feeling like a million bucks. It was incredible. Every other person I spoke to today benefited from my conversation with Paul. I was more outgoing, kinder, and more focused on my goals and, being in that state, I was better able to serve those around me. It was incredible.

In a more general way, I feel that the city of Boston has done for me similar things. I was walking around the pier the other night, with some new friends, and I was just overwhelmed by the positive energy of the place. I looked out on the harbor that the founders of this country once filled with crates of tea. They were motivated by a craving for freedom. I can relate, but I cannot understand the passion that arose and fueled them as they risked everything to fight the most powerful force in the world. I wonder what that feels like. To feel so strongly about something that it truly becomes all that matters to you. I feel like I become attached to people, and ideas, and everything quickly. I feel like I am fiercely loyal to my friends. Yet I cannot comprehend the amount of commitment that others have demonstrated to things I would define as abstract. In a way I feel like the power we have to uplift, is connected with the power we have to hold on, and my conclusion for today is this:

Your Influence, Impact, and Strength as a person can be measured by your capacity to Love.

"I found myself face down in the ditch. With booze in my hair, and blood on my lips, and a picture of you, holding a picture of me, in the pocket of my blue jeans. I still don't know what love means." - Ray Lamontagne

Boston

2008-04-21T13:28:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in the Chicago Airport, waiting to catch a plane that will take me to Boston, where I will spend the summer living an Augustana song. I decided to start this blog as a way to keep in touch with friends and family because I don't know how plugged in I will be. I have always talked pretty tough about going on Adventure's. Especially recently, and I realized a couple weeks ago that I didn't really have anything holding me to Provo for the summer. I wasn't in school, my job was a joke, and I don't have anyone that it hurt to leave, so I decided to move away. The destination was really rather arbitrary, and the main reason the lot fell upon Boston is the song.

"I think I'll go to Boston. I think I'll start a new life. I think I'll start it over. Where no one knows my name."

This all happened really quickly and it may seem a little rushed, but I want you to know that I have never been happier in my life. Ever since I made this decision, I have felt fantastic. I was worried at first about walking away from people because I had been gone for so long, and just got home, but it has become clear to me that a lot of things have changed. People that I used to consider my best and closest friends, have gotten so used to me being away, that they no longer have room or time for me. This adjustment has been really difficult for me to understand, and I freaked out as I first began to experience it. These 2 months have really cleared my head though, and I hope that the four months I'll be gone can heal some wounds. Its been on my mind.

My pondering and experiences this morning have led me to a theory about the classification of relationships. Some friends are like Toilet Paper, others are like Chapstick. Toilet Paper is something that you use regularly, and often take for granted... until its no longer around. Then you freak out, and you begin to really appreciate it.. until tomorrow when it goes right back to something always there, but never loved. Chapstick is kind of the opposite. I don't ever think about Chapstick. I never purchase it on a whim. Until I spend a day at the lake, and my lips are cracking and bleeding and my dominant thought becomes obtaining the soothing balm of Burt's Bee's. Chapstick pulls through every time. I have way too many friends that I treat like Chapstick and Toilet Paper. I hope to upgrade many of you to the status of Old Flip Flops. Old Flip Flops are great friends. They conform to every curve of your foot, allow you all the freedom you require, while still provide support, and protection and encouragement. You can look at your Old Flip Flops and recall all the memories. Wearing them up and down the beach in San Diego. Kicking them off in the grass at Scera Park before a game of ultimate. Jumping the fence at Seven Peaks, losing one, and jumping back over to collect it because a true friend, never leaves a man behind.

So this blog, and this summer, are about finding myself, and figuring out what I want out of life. I have always felt that I am much more effective at expressing myself while writing than while speaking, and the reason I chose the name, "Breakfast with Cheerios" is because I often find my most reflective moments are in the morning. I love sunrise's, mostly because I hardly ever see them, but the East Coast gets it first.